Breakfast Sandwich #85 - Special K Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich aka All Lost In The Supermarket

Sandwich: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich
Location: Freezer Section At Your Local Supermarket
Date: February 19, 2017
Cost: $1.22 (4 for $4.89)

I was doing my normal grocery shopping and had no thoughts of breakfast sandwiches. Honest. I had one more item on my list before I was going to be on my way, and then I looked up and there was a sign, literally and figuratively, "breakfast entrees". 

Did you know Special K makes frozen breakfast sandwiches? I did not. I accepted this opportunity which had presented itself and chose the Bacon, Egg & Cheese Flatbread variety, although there were several choices available.

That photo isn't really selling me. This is clearly 100% pure research. 

In its protective sheath.

Post microwave. Mint for scale.

It didn't really cut in half so much as just smoosh apart. 

The Sandwich - I chose the Bacon, Egg & Cheese but was close to going with the sausage. I'll be honest, I don't think it would have mattered. It's hard to go into eating this with an open mind but I did try, although my expectations were low. So low. I think when they are creating these things in their labs they probably spend as much time on the smell as the the flavor. This thing smelled OK when it came out of the microwave but everything went downhill from there. 

I'm getting ahead of myself. You, the astute reader, are probably thinking "of course a sandwich made in the microwave will suck". You are not wrong to think that, but, these did not offer an alternative cooking process. The directions listed "in the microwave (recommended method)" and nothing else. So that's what I did. I guess I could have tried the toaster oven.

The pasteurized processed gouda cheese melted nicely. I can say that. Other than that this was more or less a squishy salt bomb. Looking at the ingredients we've got sodium phosphate, sodium erythorbate and sodium nitrate as well as good old fashioned salt. Given the flavor I was surprised to see that one of these is only 24% of your daily sodium intake. It tasted a lot higher. The spongy texture didn't help.

The Result - 1.22 Frozen Foods Misadventures out of 5 Frozen Foods Misadventures. The cost of this sandwich was $1.22 and that seems as good a rating as anything.

I don't think it's worth writing much else about this. Even for somebody who wants a quick and cheap option to eat before work, I can't envision them enjoying this. Who knows, though? Maybe I'm just a breakfast sandwich snob. (I am).

There are still three left that I'm going to put in the freezer at work with a note on them and they'll be gone within 48 hours, I'll bet. Maybe I can get somebody at work to offer a second, third or fourth opinion. That would be swell.

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Breakfast Sandwich #84 - Porter aka Hey, Porter

Sandwich: Breakfast Sandwich
Location: Porter
Date: February 11, 2017
Cost: $9

Hey, Porter Hey Porter...ok, now that's out of the way. I'll take the low hanging fruit every time when it comes to writing these reviews.

I don't do a very good job of keeping up with restaurant developments in this city. It seems like there is an awful lot of flux and I'm just a sandwich-face-guy with a day job. This is to say that I appreciate it when people let me know of new restaurants, or sandwiches specifically, which was the case here when Lindsay Christians let me know about Porter.

Breakfast Sandwich | $9 Heritage farms smoked ham, sharp cheddar, red onion, stone ground mustard and an over medium egg* on a brioche roll (mixed veggies available in place of ham on request).

*eating runny eggs or rare beef might make you sick, but probably not.

I really like that runny egg/rare beef disclaimer. I want to have a t-shirt made with that phrase on it.

Pop that in your pocket and get along little doggy.

You look nice today. That bun really accentuates your ham. 

The Sandwich - Breakfast Sandwich. I briefly considered getting the Porter Pocket in addition to the Breakfast Sandwich. It sounds delicious but that seemed like too much for one day so I'll just have to go back another time.

Right out of the gate I like that this sandwich is described as having an over medium egg, so you know it will be a bit runny, which could make you sick, but probably not. (It didn't.) If you're going to offer a ham based breakfast sandwich it had better be some damn fine ham, and that is the case here. Nobody wants regular-old-sweaty-deli-ham on their breakfast sandwich. Sharp cheddar cheese always pairs well with ham and I'm a big fan of mustard, stone ground or not. In my review of Breakfast Sandwich #74 I extolled the scant use of red onion to perk up a sandwich and they have that going on here, which plays well with the flavor of the mustard. 

As a whole the sandwich has a just-too-salty-enough flavor that was perfect for me. The egg and cheese give it the viscosity it needs and the ham, mustard and onion combo is a welcome change from standard breakfast sandwich offerings. Oh, the bun. The bun did it's job. I don't want to take it for granted but that's all I have to say about it. It was admirable in its ability to allow me to cram bite after bite into my face. 

Note - I usually cut the sandwiches in half so you can see a cross section of the goods. This sandwiches height is almost the same as its diameter and I knew that if I cut it in half everything would fall apart. I couldn't have that. 

The Result - 4.8 Runny Egg Disclaimers out of 5 Runny Egg Disclaimers. A strong contender for Sandwich Of The Year, this one came at me with a bit of hype but it lived up to it. I will try the Porter Pocket one day but it will tough to pass over ordering this again. I can't say what would give this sandwich a score of 5. Maybe a touch of hot sauce, which they may have had there, I didn't look. 

Aside - I'm hoping I can get to Sandwich #100 this year. It shouldn't be very hard and it's important to have goals. I was recently talking with one of the executives at my company and he asked me where I saw myself in five years. I said I hoped to have over 200 Breakfast Sandwiches under my belt, literally, and then I laughed but I was the only one laughing. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #83 - McDonald's McGriddle aka McKu Review

McGriddle sandwich

Saturday morning taste test

exploring the hype

sausage, egg and cheese

breakfast sandwich cornerstones

served on griddle cakes

three seventy nine

standard fast food sandwich cost

tax not included

stamped with golden arch

is there a branding iron?

scarification

maple syrup smell

olfactory sensation

overpowering

by design, clearly

a trick to fool the taste buds

not this reporter

more smell than flavor

this sausage patty lacks verve

the cheese so melty

folded chicken egg

predictable like spring rain

yet I yearn for yolk

griddle cake breakdown

a proper sandwich vessel?

my sticky digits

now introspective

did this sandwich touch my soul

or give reach around?

an empty feeling

pervasive and incomplete

not a happy meal

two point six arch tats

out of five golden arch tats

I'm not loving it

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Breakfast Sandwich #82 - You Gotta Think Outside The Bun To Really Get Inside The Bun

Sandwich: Steak, Blue Cheese, Arugula, Chicken Egg, Sriracha Mayo on a Kaiser Bun
Location: The Lab
Date: January 19, 2017

I was entering the grocery store with my usual list of junk and just as I approached the produce I heard the calling of the breakfast sandwich. It was very faint but grew louder and gained clarity quickly. It soon coalesced around the thought that nobody offers a steak-based breakfast sandwich. (I'm sure somebody does, but I haven't seen in on a menu.) Why is that? This is a question that can be explored in the lab.

With that in mind I started grabbing items that I thought would make for a good sandwich.

At the time I didn't notice that little piece of blue cheese in the upper left but it looks so cute up there. 

I would eat that. Twice. And so it was done.  

The Sandwich - Top round steak, arugula, blue cheese, chicken egg, Sriracha mayo on a whole wheat kaiser bun. I knew the blue cheese wouldn't get melty and gooey like some cheeses so I added the Sriracha mayo for viscosity. I never buy thin steaks for pan frying and I was worried it would be a bit tough for a sandwich, but my fear was unwarranted. When I went to cook the steak I realized I was out of butter, I had dropped the last stick on the floor a couple of days prior, so I fried this in olive oil. Always remember - this is not a cooking blog. The egg had runny yolk and the blue cheese behaved as expected - it didn't melt but softened a bit. The kaiser bun was lightly toasted and barely kept everything in check, but in a good way. It squished and wrapped itself around the goods but didn't fall apart. I think this sandwich would have been OK without the Sriracha mayo but ultimately it was a proper addition. This was a perfectly sloppy sandwich which might be obvious from the second photo above.

The Result - 4.43 Positive Results out of 5 Positive Results. This would be a fine sandwich on any restaurant menu but I'm not sure the demand is there. I don't know if people would order it which is damn shame because I wolfed this thing down and went right back into the lab and made another one the exact same way. They say an experiment cannot be considered a success unless it can be duplicated, or something like that. Also, all the stuff was still sitting on the counter. I didn't take photos of the second sandwich, that would have been ridiculous. 

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The Whole Damn 2016 Year End List

Not surprisingly, I ate fewer breakfast sandwiches in 2016 than in 2015 (31 compared to 49). It's not easy keeping up that level of intake, especially when trying to get to new locations after having nearly exhausted those in my immediate vicinity. You think being a sandwich blogger is all glitz and glitter and beautiful people serving you bacon on a gilded cushion? It is not. To be fair it isn't very hard either. How do you rate the level of sacrifice involved with driving to Middleton on a Saturday morning? That's how hard this is. It isn't trench warfare.

The biggest news of 2016 was that breakfast sandwich perfection was found. A Chorizo-Egg Torta proved to me that a perfect rating could be had. I wasn't sure if it could happen or what it would look like, I only hoped that I would recognize it when it revealed itself. I did, and it was beautiful. I shed a single tear and the salinity of that sob droplet blended perfectly with the chorizo and egg and formed a rainbow in my mouth.

Several months later I had the opposite experience at Denny's. The Moons Over My Hammy sandwich tasted like it had enough salt to melt the polar ice cap and at $8.59 (including hash browns) is one of the biggest ripoffs in the sandwich-sphere. I still haven't completely given up on the idea of filing a class action lawsuit on behalf of those who have had to endure this abomination.

Looking at the numbers it would appear that 2016 was more about quality than quantity. The average rating for a sandwich was 4.02 compared to 3.59 in 2015. The average cost was a bit higher as well, $6.95 vs. $6.65 although the inclusion of sides throws that number off. I spent a total of $166.84 on sandwiches not including tax, coffee, etc. That's down $125.89 from 2015.

A couple of other trends jump off the page. Most of the fast food or chain restaurants are clumped together at the 3.5 rating, which seems high in retrospect, but that's where they rated. Also, what's with all the "Public Houses"? There are three of them here but not a single "Diner". Diners aren't really known for breakfast sandwiches although perhaps I need to explore that more.

In general I think my ratings were a bit more generous in 2016. I've touched on this subject before and it's not worth getting into again, but I think it's accurate.

So, here is the whole list of 2016, excluding homemade sandwiches which I no longer rate but still include in the total of sandwiches consumed. As always, the ratings are just a number. To get a better understanding of the sandwich you need to read the review but to get to the true heart and soul of the sandwich you need to eat it.

5.00 - Xoco
4.99 - Sardine
4.91 - Bloom Bake Shop
4.75 - Johnson Public House
4.70 - Kingston Cafe
4.69 - Off Broadway
4.40 - Players Sports Bar
4.35 - Ted's Market
4.29 - Crostini
4.19 - Holstein Kitchen
4.00 - Lazy Jane's
3.99 - Plaka
3.95 - Waypoint Public House
3.90 - Wilson's
3.89 - C's Restaurant
3.80 - Barriques (Atwood)
3.80 - Yola's
3.70 - Roast Public House
3.69 - Collectivo Coffee
3.50 - Chick-fil-A
3.50 - McDonald's
3.50 - Panera
3.40 - Taco Bell
2.99 - Hotel Continental Breakfast
1.56 - Denny's

What of 2017, then? I'm almost completely out of new places to visit in the Madison area. I'll still try to find those and will likely double back on a few that I have already been to. I'd like to have more guest reviewers. Maybe some chef can recreate and explain to me the perfect puffy egg cloud I had shortly before Christmas. Maybe I'll just go to Bradbury's every weekend interspersed with occasional trips to Sardine. Maybe some of you sandwich enthusiasts have fantastic ideas that I haven't considered and you'll pass them along.

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Breakfast Sandwich #81 - The Continental Cob Job

Sandwich: Continental Cob Job
Location: Hotel
Date: December 24, 2016
Cost: Included with cost of the room

My hotel had complimentary continental breakfast. Inside a silver clamshell there were little sausage patties and fried eggs that looked like plastic toys a kid would have in their play kitchen. They also had slices of cheddar and an assortment of bread. Well, by God, I can cobble together a sandwich out of this!

Ok, that looks kinda lame.

The question is this - did it taste better than the red snowflake doily in the background?

The Sandwich - There isn't much more to say about the sandwich that I didn't describe above. The toaster they had kind of sucked. I toasted the English Muffin and it took too long but still didn't appear toasted. I grabbed an egg but 1/2 of another egg stuck to it so I had some bonus egg. The cheese was strategically placed between the sausage patty and chicken egg in hopes of achieving some melt, which it did. Just a bit.

The Result - 2.99 Sandwich Life Hacks out of 5 Sandwich Life Hacks. It wasn't that bad but it wasn't very good either. The next day I made a waffle instead. It's kind of sad that this was the last breakfast sandwich of 2016 but these things happen. The previous day I had the glorious puffy egg cloud sandwich and then I had this thing. Life is a roller coaster.

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Breakfast Sandwich #80 - Kingston Cafe aka Egg Enlightenment

Sandwich: Beto's
Location: Kingston Cafe
Date: December 23, 2016
Cost: $8.95

I was traveling for the holidays and this place popped up as near my hotel. I knew some research was in order plus I wanted a nice, strong cup of coffee. The hotel continental breakfast coffee wasn't cutting it.

Kingston Cafe was the most enticing option that came up in a search for "breakfast sandwiches San Mateo" but let it be known that the people of San Mateo appear to have some solid options when it comes to sandwiches, breakfast or not. The Spot on 25th, Ike's Place and Mr Pickle's all look like places that can bring the flavor. Sadly, I did not have time to visit any of them although I did squeeze in a "double double, animal style" at In-N-Out Burger.

Options.

It's rare that a breakfast sandwich comes on "normal" bread.

Look at that egg! I won't shut up about it. I won't!

The Sandwich - Beto's. Shortly after ordering they informed me that they were out of fresh basil but they could substitute pesto in it's place. That actually sounded better and is probably the way they should make this sandwich every time. It adds flavor and moisture and was instrumental in kicking this sandwich up into the "something special" ranks. Let's get a couple of things out of the way here so we can address some real issues. The bacon was fine and the tomato better than expected in December. The sandwich comes with pepper jack cheese and spicy mayo but still didn't have much heat to it. That isn't really a knock but it was surprising that it didn't have some zip to it. There wasn't a lot of cheese on this but you can't expect Wisconsin level cheesery in California, even though they try to claim their superiority as a dairy state. It's cute if not entirely foolish. It doesn't matter because all I really want to talk about is that egg! I don't know how or why, but I've never been served eggs on a sandwich like that. They were glorious. It was like a puffy egg cloud - fluffy and moist and beautiful. Normally I'm always yapping about a runny yolk but I have to admit that I was ignorant to the fact that eggs could be this way. They should be this way. The sourdough toast was just enough to keep everything together.

The Result - 4.70 Eye Opening Egg Enlightenments out of 5 Eye Opening Egg Enlightenments. This was a fantastic sandwich. The basil and the egg were really the best parts but the whole thing came together wonderfully. The Sumatran pour over coffee was also amazing. 

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