Breakfast Sandwich #130 - Kwik Trip aka Squishilicious

Sandwich: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Croissant
Location: Kwik Trip, Buckeye Rd., Madison
Date: January 13, 2019
Cost: $2.69

This was my third documented stop at Kwik Trip and it was unplanned. The first visit (#94) was a surprise stop in the Fox River Valley and the next (#114) was a bit more deliberate. 

This was another off-the-cuff sandwich - I had errands to run on Sunday morning and needed something to shush my belly for a couple of hours. The Buckeye Road Kwik Trip was on the route and since I only had time for a grab 'n go type sandwich it fit the bill.

I didn't remember what I had reviewed previously and didn't bother to look it up. I only knew I wanted bacon and that would guide my choice.

Same POP signage and price point as 2017 (although that was a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant).

This isn't a bad photo considering I was holding it in my hand in the car. 

The Sandwich - Bacon, Egg & Cheese Croissant. Although I feel a croissant is not the ideal vehicle for a breakfast sandwich my only goal was to have bacon and this was the option available. There are no surprises with this sandwich - the egg isn't runny, the cheese is a slice of American, there isn't enough bacon - it's exactly what you'd expect it to be. It was a bit squishier than anticipated. The soft croissant set the tone and even the bacon didn't offer much resistance. I felt like I could have smooshed the entire sandwich into a golfball-sized cud and spent the rest of the morning driving around town with a wad of salty flavor in my cheek, Holstein style. I did not do that. I did, however, eat the entire sandwich in about a minute. The hunger had taken over at this point and I wasn't thinking clearly.

The Result - 3.68 Squishilicious out of 5 Squishilicious. This sandwich was alright especially considering the price. I'm rating this based on my reaction at the time and the level of my hunger really swings the odds in the favor of the sandwich. I think a stale graham cracker with a schmear of lard might have come in with a 2.7 rating. I will say that I was still hungry after eating this but I think that says more about my condition than the size of the sandwich. After eating this I had to head across town and while driving I hatched the plan to double-dip and have ANOTHER breakfast sandwich, this time at Chik-fil-A. That plan was abandoned when I realized it was Sunday and Chik-fil-A is closed on Sundays in an effort to combat the obesity problem we face in this country. Just kidding, they don't care about your health, they just want you to go to church. You can pray for your health while you are there. 

Now that I've finished here I went back to see what I rated the previous Kwik Trip sandwiches. 

#94 - 2.69. I also commented on the squishiness.

#114 - 2.19. I didn't bother to read the review but that's a poor score. 

I guess the takeaway here is to be really hungry when you pick one of these up. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #129 - Cafe Hollander aka Saucy Soliloquies

Sandwich: Dutch Cowboy
Location: Cafe Hollander
Date: December 2, 2018
Cost: $12.95

I previously visited Cafe Hollander in October of 2015 and at that time my sandwich wasn't quite what I was looking for. I hadn't realized that three years had passed since my last visit but I felt the need to go someplace I don't normally go AND I had a gift card that needed spending. 

That earlier trip was on a Friday morning and this was a Sunday so I'm not sure if the menu has changed or if there is a different menu for weekend brunch. It's probably a brunch menu. I wasn't going to get the same sandwich anyway and this offered four choices in the "Handhelds" section. The Pretzel Breakfast Sammy has the same name as my sandwich of 2015 but they have modified it a bit - the Black Forest Ham is now Local Badger Ham (presumably not made from the thigh and buttocks of actual badgers) and they've removed the hollandaise. Could it be that they read my review of sandwich #41 and took my sauce-whining to heart and modified this sandwich? Doubtful. I'm pretty much not-a-big-deal but I'm going to take credit for this anyway. 

I was tempted by the "Walking Sausage"

You can see some of the "Twisted Brunch Frites" trying to photo bomb the sandwich.

The Sandwich - Dutch Cowboy. It was the six-pepper steak and smoked gouda that sold me. That sounded like a tasty combo. All the sandwiches come with scrambled eggs which isn't particularly creative (although scrambled eggs CAN be made with love, they often are not) and they don't offer any choices when you order. I hadn't really thought about the fire-roasted guacamole or the Noord sauce (whatever that is) when I ordered, but it turns out I should have given them consideration as they took over the sandwich. The six-pepper steak wasn't as outgoing and flavorful as I had hoped and the smoke gouda also got lost in the oozy-sauciness of the guac-Noord combo. The bun was soft and squishy but somehow kept everything together. I decided not to cut it in half for the standard cross section photo - something told me that wouldn't go well. 

The Result - 3.33 Saucy Soliloquies out of 5 Saucy Soliloquies. At the risk of going down the same path I went down in 2015, this sandwich got lost in the sauce and never really let the steak and cheese strut their stuff. It wasn't as much of a situation as the hollandaise hell-scape* I experienced previously, but it was still an issue. On it's own the steak was still on the mild side but it didn't stand a chance with everything else going on here. Still, this wasn't a bad sandwich but it did not meet the expectations I had put upon it and had just a bit too much of a creamy disposition. You know, I haven't complained about price for awhile but at $12.95 this is a little pricey, even if you factor in the Twisted Brunch Frites which are fun and kinda tasty but ultimately superfluous. I'm not a guy who respects potatoes in the morning unless they are perfect hashbrowns, so take that for what it's worth. 

I don't mean to sound too harsh here, I think I have higher expectations given how beautiful this space is. Maybe all that natural light gave me a false sense of security. I've only been here twice, both times for breakfast, so perhaps I need to try it for lunch or dinner. I have no idea what they are known for here, if anything. I should probably just use the rest of this gift card on beer which does appear to be their calling card. Once again I did not try one of their bloody marys although they sound fantastic. I believe they had one that had a bit of whiskey or something in it, I can't remember. I saw a few being delivered to others, and they looked enticing, but I was still drunk from church and decided to hold off. 

*It wasn't really a hellscape but I couldn't resist the alliteration, so here we are.

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Breakfast Sandwich #128 - Low Effort Lab Work

Sandwich: Sausage & Walnut Dressing, Egg & Cheese
Date: 11/27/18

You may recall last year I did some research on a Thanksgiving leftover breakfast sandwich and was rather pleased with the results. At that time I lamented the fact that it's not easy to acquire a turkey egg which would really put the bow on this sandwich. I mentioned starting my search earlier so I would be able to make a sandwich with a turkey egg this year.

That didn't happen.

In fact, no research whatsoever went in to this sandwich. It's not all that different from last years model other than I nixed the turkey on this one. I also swapped the American cheese for a medium cheddar. That change was made out of necessity, not a desire to sift & winnow for sandwich truths.

You can't quite see it here but the egg is overcooked.  There would be no runny yolk on this day. Look how nice and melty that cheese is though. 

The Sandwich - I've pretty much covered that already. If there is anything you take away from this review, indeed if there was any reason at all to write this review, it's that you should make this Sausage & Walnut Dressing next Thanksgiving or tomorrow. It's fantastic and works well on a sandwich even if you overcook the egg. 

I suppose there is another nugget of knowledge here - leftovers make for good breakfast sandwiches. Don't let the The Man tell you your breakfast sandwich can only be made with sausage or bacon. Next year maybe I'll make turkey tetrazzini with my Thanksgiving leftovers and then I'll make a breakfast sandwich using those leftovers and I'll throw a massive turkey egg on it and we'll have turkey yolk and spaghetti spilling out all over the place. It's not a bad plan but I probably won't remember to do it. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #127 - The Heights aka I'll Melt With You

Sandwich: Breakfast Sandwich
Location: The Heights
Date: November 2, 2018
Cost: $7

The Heights is the latest restaurant from Underground Food Collective and helps combat what I'm just now realizing is a dearth of breakfast sandwich options on the near west side. Like many of my recent sandwich excursions this came in as a hot tip from an astute reader. I've not kept up with researching new restaurants and mostly rely on luck and lazy circumstance to guide my ship into the safe harbors of delicious breakfast comfort. (What?) Let's face it, Madison's restaurant scene isn't so big that I actually need to put much effort into discovering new sandwich options but I do appreciate it when readers let me know of developments.

I didn't realize how long it had been since I had the sandwich at Underground Butcher but it's been over 3 years. The Heights came along at just the right time, and I had rare weekday morning available to get over there. 

It pays to get the table near the huge window. Look at all that natural light! Is it petty of me to mention that I hate that plate? I don't like it at all. It doesn't fit with the rest of the aesthetic and I don't know why I care but I didn't let it break my concentration. 

When I say "Ooey", you say "Gooey". "OOEY!"

The Sandwich - Breakfast Sandwich is the only option on the menu, or is it? I did review a Croque Madame at Sardine in August of 2016 and it was one of the top sandwiches of that year, but I came for the traditional breakfast sandwich and that's what I ordered. No options are offered upon ordering. (Note the sandwich description on the menu photo above is accurate and varies slightly from the online menu.) My first impression of the sandwich was that it isn't particularly large but that's not always important. After I snapped my photos I angled the sandwich so I could cut it for the crucial cross-section shot. The brioche bun was still warm and it's spongy resistance held promise. As I drew the knife towards me I was not prepared for the explosion of yolk that for a fraction of a second I thought might traverse the edge of the plate. That would have been a travesty and I have to hand it to the plate - it did it's job and I shouldn't have judged it so harshly. The yolk was practically fluorescent and made me think (with no evidence) that the egg was super fresh and perhaps the chicken was out back clucking around in the alley by the dumpster. The salty soppressata hits you on the first bite and the creamy Hook's Triple Play balances it out. There is a touch of spice from the red pepper flakes in the soppressata but just enough to give it some character. The brioche bun is just about perfect - sturdy enough to withstand the sandwich innards but soft enough to mop up all that yolk.

The Result - 4.90 Unfortunate Plates out of 5 Unfortunate Plates. This sandwich practically melts in your mouth and it's flavor is much bigger than than the sandwich appears. It all blends wonderfully and while the flavors are strong they don't overwhelm. By the end of the sandwich I was still anticipating each bite and made sure to keep my brioche to yolk ratio in check so I wouldn't run out of either. 

If they would have let me smash the plate on the sidewalk I might have given this a perfect score. To be fair, I didn't ask if I could smash the plate.

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Breakfast Sandwich #126 - What The Hell? aka Lab Failures

Sandwich: Chili Mac, Egg & Cheese
Date: 10/24/18

This experiment started as a chance to use my new NORPRO 666 non-stick egg cooking rings. A couple of quick notes about those cooking rings - why is their product number The Number of The Beast and if they are sold as "non-stick" why is the first instruction to coat them with non-stick cooking spray before use? I guess if you're cooking chicken eggs IN HELL they tend to stick on account of the extreme heat. How are you going to cook eggs on a medium to low temperature when you're in the lake that burns with fire and sulfer? These are problems that fall well outside the scope and mission of the lab. This is a modest operation we have here.

The non-stick egg rings were an attempt to ditch the Mason Jar lid method which I've documented and never been fully satisfied with mostly due to the hassle of washing egg out of the lid rim. While prepping for this I realized I had leftover chili mac and considered how I could add that to the sandwich. My immediate thought was that it would be an impractical mess but I went ahead with the idea because that's how it works around here. To realize the perfect sloppy sandwich you sometimes have to go too far and if that means going into the project with failure hovering in your peripheral vision, so be it.

Right off the bat I broke the yolk and put the ring in upside down. 

The cheese did melt a little more but not quite enough. 

The Sandwich - I already told you about the broken yolk and while I was messing with the English Muffin and chili mac (which was heating separately) I overcooked the egg a bit. The English Muffin wasn't quite toasted enough, the slice of American cheese didn't melt as much as I wanted and even though I assembled the sandwich and paused for a few photos the chili mac was still hot enough to burn the roof of my mouth. I didn't even attempt to cut the sandwich for the usual cross section photo and after two bites the sandwich was a predictable mess and I had a burnt hard palate, which was upsetting. 

The Result - The sandwich was OK but it had too much working against it and nobody thinks putting chili mac on an English Muffin is a good idea. It doesn't execute properly. I'll try to be more practical in the future or better yet, go to an actual restaurant. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #125 - A Lab Toss Off

Sandwich: Bacon, American Cheese, Soft Scramble Egg, Sourdough Bread
Date: 9/26/18

This lab sandwich was the result of serendipitous circumstances and dumb luck and coincidence which were as follows - I woke up at 5:00 am for no good reason and while making coffee realized I had bacon, eggs, American cheese slices and a loaf of cheap sourdough bread. These are the perfect items for constructing a diner-style breakfast sandwich.

The only thing that made this sandwich worthy of a lab report (that's debatable) is the sourdough bread. I don't usually have it on hand so I've not used it. The soft scramble eggs are also a newer process adopted by the lab but not worthy of reportage on their own.

Yeah, I could have buttered that bread to make it more like an actual diner sandwich but this was the healthier route to go.

That bacon isn't as well done as it appears. It's dark in the lab at 5:30 am before all the assistants and interns arrive with their nervous energy and ill-fitting lab coats and need for fluorescent lighting.

The Sandwich - I've pretty much covered that already. There isn't anything special to say about this but I do love how American cheese slices get all melty. There were 4 slices of bacon and 2 chicken eggs. That seems like crucial information. 

The Result - Simple. Tasty. Quick. Everything as expected. If you ordered this off a laminated tri-fold menu for $3.49 you'd be pleased with your choice especially if a lady with a beehive hairdo served it to you and called you "Hon" and had the pot of coffee in hand ready to warm up your cup. I don't want to tell you how to feel but I think you'd be very happy indeed and if you don't agree I'm not even sure why you're here but you should hang around anyway.

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Breakfast Sandwich #124 - The Old Fashioned aka More Like A Lunchfast Sandwich

Sandwich: The Old Fashioned House Burger
Location: The Old Fashioned
Date: September 16, 2018
Cost: $9.95

I hadn't been to The Old Fashioned in quite some time and it had been even longer since I reviewed one of their sandwiches. 

There isn't anything fresh and new that needs to be said about The Old Fashioned. They continue to deliver excellent food, drinks and atmosphere even if I do think the Wiscocentric theme is a touch corny. It doesn't matter and it isn't half as annoying as anything related to Texas pride. (Oh relax, Texas.)

My Sunday evolved into lunch at The Old Fashioned prior to the Willy Street Fair so the opportunity to review a sandwich fell into my lap. While I looked over the menu I tried to find something that I wanted more than the house burger and I couldn't do it. I consciously tried to avoid this review and it couldn't be done. The Sandwich Gods had spoken.

Is referring to a burger with an egg on it as a "breakfast sandwich" a bit of a stretch? Probably, although there is precedent here - I had The Buzzy Sandwich with a burger patty on January 1. That particular burger patty was served on bread and consumed before Noon whereas this one was on a proper burger bun and eaten well after Noon. I don't care. One of these days I'm going to review breakfast tacos or a burrito and I'm not even going to pretend to apologize for it. Oh jeez, I just remembered my last review was a HOT DOG. Never mind. I should just delete this entire paragraph. 

SAKES ALIVE! She's a beauty! That yolk is on the move. So precarious. The bartender caught me taking this shot and said "How's everything looking?" which I think was his way of saying I'm a dickhead for taking photos of my food. I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm a professional and he probably spends more time on his hair than I've spent on this review but I still tipped him well even though I had to give him "the look" to get another beer which should never happen in a proper Wisconsin tavern. 

I used up all my caption material on the previous photo. #yolkpuddle

The Sandwich - The Old Fashioned House Burger:

No. 30
The Old Fashioned House Burger-grilled over a live fire and topped with fried onions, Bavaria’s hickory-smoked bacon, aged Cheddar, garlic sauce and a soft-cooked egg on a buttered and toasted roll…..$9.95

No options are offered. It's grilled over a "live fire" which only makes me think of Live Wire - a video that features live fire but no grilling. I ordered it medium-rare and it was a touch more done than that although that may have been for the better. This is a gooey burger. It's every bit as sloppy as I remember it but everything blends well and the most prominent flavor is the hickory-smoked bacon. The garlic sauce and cheddar cheese move to the background although they certainly contribute to the overall taste explosion. Everything combines so well I can't really deconstruct the individual components. It's just a fantastic hamburger sandwich. Every time. I ordered it with the greens on the side which I've said many times is my preferred side to a breakfast sandwich. These were no exception - zippy and tangy, just how I like them. 

The Result - 4.6 Hamburger Sandwiches out of 5 Hamburger Sandwiches. I docked it a tiny bit cause it doesn't really feel like a breakfast sandwich. Is that fair? Probably not. I don't care, I've already thrown the rules out with the bath water. I like my metaphors like I like my drinks - mixed. I'm just making things up now, a clear sign I need to wrap this up. It was a fantastic sandwich, I think that is obvious. 

Side note - I went to the Willy Street Fair after this and it was too hot and I tried to find a tie-dyed bandana to wipe sweat off my head and I couldn't find one!! What has happened to the east side? Is this what gentrification looks like? May as well pack it up and move to Middleton. 

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