Breakfast Sandwiches #155 & #156 - Lab Report Or Perhaps A Love Letter

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich #155 - English Muffin, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Spicy Chili Crisp.
Date: February 13, 2020

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich #156 - Sourdough, Eggs, Bacon, American Cheese, Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar, Avocado, Spicy Chili Crisp
Date: February 27, 2020

I guess I'm late to the party for the Lao Gan Ma Spicy Chili Crisp Cult. I'm no fan of cults but I enjoy a nice party and the party is here, right here on my taste buds. The party rages and shows no signs of abetting. The neighbors can call the cops, who cares? We'll greet them on the front lawn and fling forkfuls of Spicy Chili Crisp in their direction and soon they'll join us and we'll make them a breakfast sandwich laden with Spicy Chili Crisp and after one big bite they'll let me take their guns and blast holes in the ceiling while we dance about and yell like idiots.

I don't know why I'm blasting holes in the ceiling of my kitchen. I guess this is cultish behavior after all.


This review was meant to be a love letter to Spicy Chili Crisp and it was easier to post it here than to actually mail it to:

Guiyang Nanming Laoganma Special Flavour Foodstuffs Co., LTD.
138-15 Jianlong Road, Longdongbao
Guiyang City, Guizhou 550012

I may still send them a postcard. My original plan for this review was to take one of the all-time great love letters and alter it to be about Spicy Chili Crisp but it seemed too (A) difficult, (B) confusing and (C) creepy (somehow):

‘My Own Condiment, Your flavour is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red-rose chili flakes of yours should be made no less for the madness of noodles and broccoli than for the madness of sandwiches. Your slim gilt soul is the flavour between passion and poetry.’

See what I mean? (Stolen from the letter of Oscar Wilde to Lord Alfred Douglas). Honestly, I like it, but it's still kind of weird.

Also, "Foodstuffs" is my new favorite word and I may start adding it to the end of every restaurant I mention. "OK, cool, I'll meet you at Los Gamelos Foodstuffs at 7".

This is what we're talking about. I'm getting Lao Gan Ma's face and apron tattoed on my neck next week.

Here is a little background on this sauce. The formatting of that page is horrific but it'll give you a good history of this foodstuff, if you care about that. From what I can tell she is the Chinese equivalent of Aunt Jemima and the Quaker Oats guy and Uncle Ben and Tony The Tiger all wrapped into one.

But you probably don't care about any of that.

You just want to know how it tastes and nothing I say here will truly elucidate the matter. But that won't stop me from saying it's oily, garlicky, crispy, spicy (but not overly so) and rich. My favorite word to describe it though is "earthy". Yeah, earthy. I'm not even going to try to explain that, you'll just have to try it for yourself. Rather than read about my sandwiches you should already be on your way to the Asian Market (or for my Asian readers, "The Market") to get some of this stuff.

So, what's all this about? It's about how this condiment pairs so perfectly with chicken egg. That's what we set out to research with these sandwiches and you can already tell how well it went.

It's so cute.

Overcooked the egg a bit but you can see that spicy chili crisp creeping out and that is VERY exciting.

The Sandwich - English Muffin, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Spicy Chili Crisp. A classic breakfast sandwich combination now enhanced by Spicy Chili Crisp. It's a full, wide flavor (which sounds like I'm describing some new kind of Marlboro, but I'm not.) The egg was not as runny as I would have liked it but I wasn't worried about it on this day. The sandwich was fantastic but I knew I had to try it in a different configuration.

 You can see the Spicy Chili Crisp lurking beneath the perfectly ripe avocado. The top piece of bread holds my last slice of Deli Deluxe Cheddar Kraft Single and a slice of Kraft American Cheese.

Terrible photo of yolky deliciousness.

 The Sandwich - Sourdough Bread, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar, Avocado, Spicy Chili Crisp. I had one slice of the Deli Deluxe Cheddar left but I didn't think that was enough so I added an American Single. This was my only misstep on this sandwich, I think when it combined with the sourdough it made it just a bit gummy on the palate. Otherwise, this might be the best breakfast sandwich I've ever made. The Spicy Chili Crisp and the avocado paired perfectly with the chicken eggs, cheese and bacon and I don't have anything else to say about this sandwich other than when I took the first big bite I loudly proclaimed "Holy Fuck That Is Tasty". Can I get a witness?

I remember it fondly.
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Breakfast Sandwich #125 - A Lab Toss Off

Sandwich: Bacon, American Cheese, Soft Scramble Egg, Sourdough Bread
Date: 9/26/18

This lab sandwich was the result of serendipitous circumstances and dumb luck and coincidence which were as follows - I woke up at 5:00 am for no good reason and while making coffee realized I had bacon, eggs, American cheese slices and a loaf of cheap sourdough bread. These are the perfect items for constructing a diner-style breakfast sandwich.

The only thing that made this sandwich worthy of a lab report (that's debatable) is the sourdough bread. I don't usually have it on hand so I've not used it. The soft scramble eggs are also a newer process adopted by the lab but not worthy of reportage on their own.

Yeah, I could have buttered that bread to make it more like an actual diner sandwich but this was the healthier route to go.

That bacon isn't as well done as it appears. It's dark in the lab at 5:30 am before all the assistants and interns arrive with their nervous energy and ill-fitting lab coats and need for fluorescent lighting.

The Sandwich - I've pretty much covered that already. There isn't anything special to say about this but I do love how American cheese slices get all melty. There were 4 slices of bacon and 2 chicken eggs. That seems like crucial information. 

The Result - Simple. Tasty. Quick. Everything as expected. If you ordered this off a laminated tri-fold menu for $3.49 you'd be pleased with your choice especially if a lady with a beehive hairdo served it to you and called you "Hon" and had the pot of coffee in hand ready to warm up your cup. I don't want to tell you how to feel but I think you'd be very happy indeed and if you don't agree I'm not even sure why you're here but you should hang around anyway.

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Breakfast Sandwich #118 - Tip Top Tavern aka Struttin' 'Round The Barnyard

Sandwich: The Rooster
Location: Tip Top Tavern
Date: May 6, 2018
Cost: $8.95 with breakfast potatoes or mixed green salad

My intention was to visit the place that The Food Network claims has the best breakfast sandwich in the state of Wisconsin. If I had done a bit of research I would have known they are not open on Sunday so the plan changed to "what is nearby and has outdoor seating and might not be crowded on a beautiful Sunday morning". Tip Top Tavern hit on all points. I'll get back to that other place soon enough but for now I will say that it's foolish to go around stating things about best sandwiches in an entire state if you can't show the research to back it up. My agent tells me The Food Network has not reached out for consultation and guidance so for the time being we can assume that they don't know what they're talking about. Also, I have an idea for a show that somewhat fits their network but I won't be hemmed in by FCC guidelines and I want a person in the lower corner of the screen doing real and/or fake sign language and/or interpretive dance at all times. This is non-negotiable. Call me, Food Network (actually a text would be better), and we'll start some dialogue. Frankly speaking, I think America has seen it's share of people running around throwing pots and pans and frosting cakes and yelling and crying. Enough already.

Somehow it had been over 3 years since I'd been to the Tip Top for The Rooster. That was way back at Sandwich #16 when I was last there. I was way overdue for a recap.

I forgot to take a photo of the menu but they have the info on their site:

The Rooster

local thick-cut apple-smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, fried farm-fresh egg* & Tip Top Special Sauce on sourdough white served with breakfast potatoes or mixed green salad

That's a fine looking sandwich.

Things got a bit messy when I cut it in half. More on that later.

The Sandwich - The Rooster. It just occurred to me that this is called "The Rooster" yet roosters don't lay eggs. I thought it was named that due to the egg. Maybe it's called The Rooster because it's a breakfast sandwich and roosters are synonymous with getting up early? No matter, a chicken ain't nothing but a bird and I don't care who laid this egg. This sandwich had a nice blend of flavors and the bacon was about perfect. I thought the special sauce was just mayo until I looked up the menu but it added a welcome viscosity. The red onion was a nice bonus, I'm a big fan as long as it's added with a light touch, as it was here. The egg was also about perfect with plenty of oozy yolk. So far, so good right? There were some problems. The tomato was a sad out-of-season slice and my dining companion was wise to remove it entirely. I suppose I could have done that but I still would have complained about it here. The biggest problem was toughness of the sourdough bread. It required a bit of sawing from the serrated knife and by the time I had it halved my oozy yolk was mixed into my greens and I had to take a few deep breaths and count to 10 so I wouldn't become upset. I was able to compose myself, I think the bloody mary helped, and I felt the sun on my face and I knew everything would be OK and that I should just enjoy my sandwich. The side of greens was a sprightly companion to The Rooster.

The Result - 3.97 Rooster Eggs out of 5 Rooster Eggs. The sandwich was tasty and despite my issues with cutting it in half the bread didn't tear up the roof of my mouth. If the bread hadn't been as hearty as it was the sandwich might have become a mess. Still, the cutting situation lead to some aesthetic improprieties that can't be ignored and although I don't want to dwell on it too much I fear I already have. I'll say this - The Rooster is a mighty fine sandwich, I just don't think this was the best version of it. 

Now that I've completed my review I have gone back and looked at my first review of The Rooster. I rated it a 3.99 although the bread on that sandwich didn't produce the anxiety that this one did. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #101 - Dobhan aka Hamaste

Sandwich: Dobhan Egg Sandwich
Location: Dobhan
Date: September 17, 2017
Cost: $9, with greens

Everything I've had at Dobhan has been delicious and yet I've only gone there a few times. I did have breakfast there several years ago, long before this sandwich quest began, and I did not have a breakfast sandwich. This is an amazing story so far, right? It's a real page turner (mouse scroller?).

I looked at the menu prior to going and I was hoping there would be some kind of Lamb & Egg Dosa special that I could pretend was a sandwich. I've reviewed crepes before and a dosa is about the same thing so that was my hope for the morning. That's right, I went into this planning to skirt the rules. Well, it didn't happen that way so I have no need to justify eating a dosa.

There was dosa, to be sure, just not the dosa I hoped for. 

Very pretty indeed.

Hamaste? That's really a stretch. Listen, I'm phoning this one in, OK?

The Sandwich - Dobhan Egg Sandwich. No options are offered. There were a couple of mysteries with this sandwich. The biggest is the ham - other items on the menu offer Nueske's ham, the sandwich only lists "ham", which was a single slice of what appeared to be standard deli ham. It could have ben Nueske ham but I really don't know. The other mystery is that the sandwich had cheese on it, which was not listed on the menu. I'm certainly not opposed to adding cheese to a sandwich, or pretty much anything other than say, toothpaste. In this case I think it was a swiss cheese. The chicken egg was hard scrambled, the tomato was juicy and in season, and the avocado was perfectly ripe. The lightly toasted sourdough bread buttressed everything handily and was a welcome choice. I can't remember the last time I had a breakfast sandwich on sourdough but I think it's an excellent vehicle for eggs and their friends. Oh yes, the greens. I always like greens with my breakfast sandwich and these were particularly fresh and sprightly.

The Result - 3.965 mystery hams out of 5 mystery hams. This was a good sandwich but I was slightly confused about the ham and the cheese. The ham was essentially lost among the other flavors with the sourdough, egg, tomato and avocado stepping to the forefront. And that was OK, it was tasty, but there was still a whiff of confusion. 

I don't know, maybe I really just wanted a lamb and egg dosa and I'm taking out my frustrations on the ham.

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Breakfast Sandwich #80 - Kingston Cafe aka Egg Enlightenment

Sandwich: Beto's
Location: Kingston Cafe
Date: December 23, 2016
Cost: $8.95

I was traveling for the holidays and this place popped up as near my hotel. I knew some research was in order plus I wanted a nice, strong cup of coffee. The hotel continental breakfast coffee wasn't cutting it.

Kingston Cafe was the most enticing option that came up in a search for "breakfast sandwiches San Mateo" but let it be known that the people of San Mateo appear to have some solid options when it comes to sandwiches, breakfast or not. The Spot on 25th, Ike's Place and Mr Pickle's all look like places that can bring the flavor. Sadly, I did not have time to visit any of them although I did squeeze in a "double double, animal style" at In-N-Out Burger.

Options.

It's rare that a breakfast sandwich comes on "normal" bread.

Look at that egg! I won't shut up about it. I won't!

The Sandwich - Beto's. Shortly after ordering they informed me that they were out of fresh basil but they could substitute pesto in it's place. That actually sounded better and is probably the way they should make this sandwich every time. It adds flavor and moisture and was instrumental in kicking this sandwich up into the "something special" ranks. Let's get a couple of things out of the way here so we can address some real issues. The bacon was fine and the tomato better than expected in December. The sandwich comes with pepper jack cheese and spicy mayo but still didn't have much heat to it. That isn't really a knock but it was surprising that it didn't have some zip to it. There wasn't a lot of cheese on this but you can't expect Wisconsin level cheesery in California, even though they try to claim their superiority as a dairy state. It's cute if not entirely foolish. It doesn't matter because all I really want to talk about is that egg! I don't know how or why, but I've never been served eggs on a sandwich like that. They were glorious. It was like a puffy egg cloud - fluffy and moist and beautiful. Normally I'm always yapping about a runny yolk but I have to admit that I was ignorant to the fact that eggs could be this way. They should be this way. The sourdough toast was just enough to keep everything together.

The Result - 4.70 Eye Opening Egg Enlightenments out of 5 Eye Opening Egg Enlightenments. This was a fantastic sandwich. The basil and the egg were really the best parts but the whole thing came together wonderfully. The Sumatran pour over coffee was also amazing. 

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