Breakfast Sandwich #164 - Lab Report: Dos Huevos Slopper

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich - Two Chicken Eggs, Hashbrowns, Sharp Cheddar, Spicy Chili Crisp on a King Sized English Muffin

Location: The Lab

Date: December 6, 2020

I'm not going to pretend to remember much about a sandwich I made and ate over two months ago but I know that it was a hefty slopper and once I picked it up I couldn't put it down. It was tasty but a bit unwieldy. The Cheese was a processed sharp cheddar from Crystal Farms in Lake Mills so it had that nice melt to it. The Spicy Chili Crisp is always a nice addition to a sandwich and if you haven't tried it yet I'm not sure what you're waiting for - there's a pandemic going on and you should be experimenting with more hot sauces and making many sandwiches. It's that simple. 

Who's a big messy boy?

Breakfast Sandwich #160 & #161 - Lab Reports, Of Course

Lab Sandwich #160 - Sourdough English Muffin, Bacon, Egg, Morel & Leek Jack Cheese, Chipotle Mayonaisse.
Date: April 10, 2020

Lab Sandwich #161 - Sourdough English Muffin, Bacon, Gouda, Egg, Avocado, Red Onion, Spicy Chili Crisp
Date: April 11, 2020

First, some confessional house cleaning. I skipped Sandwich #159. It doesn't exist. Sandwiches #160 and #161 have already been posted to the Instagram page so in the name of consistency I'm posting here with the same numbering and my next sandwich will be #159. I know you don't care but sandwich historians will appreciate this information. We're all about historical accuracy here during the age of pandemic.

Let's get right into it.

What's not to like? As far as my photos go, this one is pretty decent.

It doesn't look quite as pretty here. It looks kind of normal. So much hidden beneath the surface.

The Sandwich - Sourdough English Muffin, Bacon, Egg, Morel & Leek Jack Cheese, Chipotle Mayonaisse. This was a quick lunchtime breakfast sandwich. I was working from home and had all the goods with a special cheesy twist - a Morel & Leek Jack cheese from Laack Brothers Cheese Company. I also had a new jar of Chipotle Mayonnaise from Sir Kensington's. Not making a breakfast sandwich would have been foolish. The morel & leek cheese had a subtle, earthy flavor and that matched nicely with the smokiness of the chipotle mayo and bacon and the gooey yolk. This was a quick and easy winner, no doubt about it.

Don't ever skimp on the avocado.

It looks kind of skewed and crazy but also packed with enough flavor for at least two sandwiches.

What you're looking at here is more or less a blueprint for a flavor bomb. It sprayed my taste buds with shrapnel and the collateral damage is every breakfast sandwich that comes in its wake. Note that I overcooked the egg a bit so there wasn't any runny yolk and it DIDN'T EVEN MATTER. I think we're all learning a lot during this pandemic.

The Sandwich - Sourdough English Muffin, Bacon, Gouda, Egg, Avocado, Red Onion, Spicy Chili Crisp. I think the caption above sums it up nicely and there isn't much to add to it. The Spicy Chili Crisp put it over the top. My first breakfast sandwich experience with Spicy Chili Crisp really opened my third eye, as they sorta say in Sandwich Hinduism, but they call it the third slice, like that middle slice of bread on a club sandwich. This is a real thing and you should look into it. I can't explain it, I can only point you in the right direction.

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Breakfast Sandwiches #155 & #156 - Lab Report Or Perhaps A Love Letter

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich #155 - English Muffin, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Spicy Chili Crisp.
Date: February 13, 2020

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich #156 - Sourdough, Eggs, Bacon, American Cheese, Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar, Avocado, Spicy Chili Crisp
Date: February 27, 2020

I guess I'm late to the party for the Lao Gan Ma Spicy Chili Crisp Cult. I'm no fan of cults but I enjoy a nice party and the party is here, right here on my taste buds. The party rages and shows no signs of abetting. The neighbors can call the cops, who cares? We'll greet them on the front lawn and fling forkfuls of Spicy Chili Crisp in their direction and soon they'll join us and we'll make them a breakfast sandwich laden with Spicy Chili Crisp and after one big bite they'll let me take their guns and blast holes in the ceiling while we dance about and yell like idiots.

I don't know why I'm blasting holes in the ceiling of my kitchen. I guess this is cultish behavior after all.


This review was meant to be a love letter to Spicy Chili Crisp and it was easier to post it here than to actually mail it to:

Guiyang Nanming Laoganma Special Flavour Foodstuffs Co., LTD.
138-15 Jianlong Road, Longdongbao
Guiyang City, Guizhou 550012

I may still send them a postcard. My original plan for this review was to take one of the all-time great love letters and alter it to be about Spicy Chili Crisp but it seemed too (A) difficult, (B) confusing and (C) creepy (somehow):

‘My Own Condiment, Your flavour is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red-rose chili flakes of yours should be made no less for the madness of noodles and broccoli than for the madness of sandwiches. Your slim gilt soul is the flavour between passion and poetry.’

See what I mean? (Stolen from the letter of Oscar Wilde to Lord Alfred Douglas). Honestly, I like it, but it's still kind of weird.

Also, "Foodstuffs" is my new favorite word and I may start adding it to the end of every restaurant I mention. "OK, cool, I'll meet you at Los Gamelos Foodstuffs at 7".

This is what we're talking about. I'm getting Lao Gan Ma's face and apron tattoed on my neck next week.

Here is a little background on this sauce. The formatting of that page is horrific but it'll give you a good history of this foodstuff, if you care about that. From what I can tell she is the Chinese equivalent of Aunt Jemima and the Quaker Oats guy and Uncle Ben and Tony The Tiger all wrapped into one.

But you probably don't care about any of that.

You just want to know how it tastes and nothing I say here will truly elucidate the matter. But that won't stop me from saying it's oily, garlicky, crispy, spicy (but not overly so) and rich. My favorite word to describe it though is "earthy". Yeah, earthy. I'm not even going to try to explain that, you'll just have to try it for yourself. Rather than read about my sandwiches you should already be on your way to the Asian Market (or for my Asian readers, "The Market") to get some of this stuff.

So, what's all this about? It's about how this condiment pairs so perfectly with chicken egg. That's what we set out to research with these sandwiches and you can already tell how well it went.

It's so cute.

Overcooked the egg a bit but you can see that spicy chili crisp creeping out and that is VERY exciting.

The Sandwich - English Muffin, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Spicy Chili Crisp. A classic breakfast sandwich combination now enhanced by Spicy Chili Crisp. It's a full, wide flavor (which sounds like I'm describing some new kind of Marlboro, but I'm not.) The egg was not as runny as I would have liked it but I wasn't worried about it on this day. The sandwich was fantastic but I knew I had to try it in a different configuration.

 You can see the Spicy Chili Crisp lurking beneath the perfectly ripe avocado. The top piece of bread holds my last slice of Deli Deluxe Cheddar Kraft Single and a slice of Kraft American Cheese.

Terrible photo of yolky deliciousness.

 The Sandwich - Sourdough Bread, Egg, Bacon, American Cheese, Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar, Avocado, Spicy Chili Crisp. I had one slice of the Deli Deluxe Cheddar left but I didn't think that was enough so I added an American Single. This was my only misstep on this sandwich, I think when it combined with the sourdough it made it just a bit gummy on the palate. Otherwise, this might be the best breakfast sandwich I've ever made. The Spicy Chili Crisp and the avocado paired perfectly with the chicken eggs, cheese and bacon and I don't have anything else to say about this sandwich other than when I took the first big bite I loudly proclaimed "Holy Fuck That Is Tasty". Can I get a witness?

I remember it fondly.
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