Breakfast Sandwich #124 - The Old Fashioned aka More Like A Lunchfast Sandwich

Sandwich: The Old Fashioned House Burger
Location: The Old Fashioned
Date: September 16, 2018
Cost: $9.95

I hadn't been to The Old Fashioned in quite some time and it had been even longer since I reviewed one of their sandwiches. 

There isn't anything fresh and new that needs to be said about The Old Fashioned. They continue to deliver excellent food, drinks and atmosphere even if I do think the Wiscocentric theme is a touch corny. It doesn't matter and it isn't half as annoying as anything related to Texas pride. (Oh relax, Texas.)

My Sunday evolved into lunch at The Old Fashioned prior to the Willy Street Fair so the opportunity to review a sandwich fell into my lap. While I looked over the menu I tried to find something that I wanted more than the house burger and I couldn't do it. I consciously tried to avoid this review and it couldn't be done. The Sandwich Gods had spoken.

Is referring to a burger with an egg on it as a "breakfast sandwich" a bit of a stretch? Probably, although there is precedent here - I had The Buzzy Sandwich with a burger patty on January 1. That particular burger patty was served on bread and consumed before Noon whereas this one was on a proper burger bun and eaten well after Noon. I don't care. One of these days I'm going to review breakfast tacos or a burrito and I'm not even going to pretend to apologize for it. Oh jeez, I just remembered my last review was a HOT DOG. Never mind. I should just delete this entire paragraph. 

SAKES ALIVE! She's a beauty! That yolk is on the move. So precarious. The bartender caught me taking this shot and said "How's everything looking?" which I think was his way of saying I'm a dickhead for taking photos of my food. I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm a professional and he probably spends more time on his hair than I've spent on this review but I still tipped him well even though I had to give him "the look" to get another beer which should never happen in a proper Wisconsin tavern. 

I used up all my caption material on the previous photo. #yolkpuddle

The Sandwich - The Old Fashioned House Burger:

No. 30
The Old Fashioned House Burger-grilled over a live fire and topped with fried onions, Bavaria’s hickory-smoked bacon, aged Cheddar, garlic sauce and a soft-cooked egg on a buttered and toasted roll…..$9.95

No options are offered. It's grilled over a "live fire" which only makes me think of Live Wire - a video that features live fire but no grilling. I ordered it medium-rare and it was a touch more done than that although that may have been for the better. This is a gooey burger. It's every bit as sloppy as I remember it but everything blends well and the most prominent flavor is the hickory-smoked bacon. The garlic sauce and cheddar cheese move to the background although they certainly contribute to the overall taste explosion. Everything combines so well I can't really deconstruct the individual components. It's just a fantastic hamburger sandwich. Every time. I ordered it with the greens on the side which I've said many times is my preferred side to a breakfast sandwich. These were no exception - zippy and tangy, just how I like them. 

The Result - 4.6 Hamburger Sandwiches out of 5 Hamburger Sandwiches. I docked it a tiny bit cause it doesn't really feel like a breakfast sandwich. Is that fair? Probably not. I don't care, I've already thrown the rules out with the bath water. I like my metaphors like I like my drinks - mixed. I'm just making things up now, a clear sign I need to wrap this up. It was a fantastic sandwich, I think that is obvious. 

Side note - I went to the Willy Street Fair after this and it was too hot and I tried to find a tie-dyed bandana to wipe sweat off my head and I couldn't find one!! What has happened to the east side? Is this what gentrification looks like? May as well pack it up and move to Middleton. 

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Recap - The Whole Damn Year End Lists aka It Depends On What Your Definition of "Best" Is

I'd like to address a recurring situation - I meet somebody and the subject of this blog comes up, generally because I always wear a t-shirt that says "Ask Me About My Breakfast Sandwich Blog" or they see my bumper sticker that reads "Honk If You Like It Over Easy". This happens often. The inevitable first question is "Who has the best breakfast sandwich in Madison?" The correct answer to this is "It depends...", followed by a litany of scenarios and inquiries about their expectations. Nobody wants to hear that nonsense. They want to hear a passionate description of the sandwich I had at "Freddy's Sandwich Hut" so they can make a mental note and move on. That makes sense but that isn't what happens. What they generally get is me stammering and sputtering about while trying to recall some of the top ranking sandwiches which for some reason I cannot do when put on the spot. There is a reason for this though. There is a lot of grey area in noting the pleasures of a sandwich and as I've often said, the key to the reviews is in the descriptions and not necessarily the numbered ranking. The ranking is not intended to be like the final score of a base-ball game and yet I know I have to put a number on it so casual readers and those with a short attention span can get back to shrieking about the headlines of the day. Everybody's busy. Nobody has time to read. Did you know that they teach "Emoji" as a credited second language in California high schools? It's totally true, or will be soon. There's a reason the "Year End Lists" get the most clicks around these parts. The list for 2015 is by far the most popular, which makes sense - I ate the most sandwiches that year and this was all fresh and new. It was the Year of The Breakfast Sandwich. The world had never before seen a breakfast sandwich blog and everybody stopped by to check it out and pay their respects. Many clicks, some of which I'm told were Guy Fieri's assistants reading it to him. The list for 2016 isn't nearly as popular but has respectable numbers. There isn't much to be said about the response to the list for 2017 but "tepid" will suffice. This isn't fresh and new anymore and most people have gone back to their favorite porn sites.

But this was never about the clicks. It's about finding out if a sandwich can shape your perspective on the day and therefore set you up to achieve your goals. This has been answered unequivocally but the research continues because flavor and joy and sustenance matter.

So, to get back to my initial point, the oft-asked question "Who has the best breakfast sandwich in Madison?". I don't have your answer but I hope to guide you. Only you can walk the path of your day, the long and winding yellow brick road to your local sandwichery.

Breakfast Sandwich #123 - Not A Sandwich. Not A Sandwich. You're The Sandwich!

Sandwich: Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich
Date: August 29, 2018

Sometimes you have to see an idea through to it's natural conclusion just to get it out of your head. That was the case here and it all started when I bought a package of Hebrew National Beef Franks and a carton of eggs on the same day. I looked into my shopping basket and saw them sitting side by side and it occurred to me that they should become intimate with each other, on a bun, and that I was the perfect person to facilitate that.

By the time I executed the plan I had decided to wrap the hot dogs in bacon to make them more breakfasty. The absurdity of wrapping kosher franks in bacon didn't strike me until I was in the act and while there were no rabbi's present I am an ordained minister and I decided that I needed to absolve these franks of their sins. Therefore, I gave them a penance of trial of fire, a temporal punishment of sorts, and sentenced them to purgatory, which in this case was my belly.

And so the lab moved outside for this experiment - at least partly. Never barbecue indoors. It says it right on the bag of Kingsford Charcoal. (Did you know you can review Kingsford briquets on their web site and give them a 1-5 star ranking? "Angelgrillin" gave them one star - "Have to constantly relight. Have to run out multiple times. Keep pering out window". You know how she gets when she has to keep pering out the window? She doesn't like it but she's an angel for Christ's sake so she'll just leave a one star review on the internet and move on.)

Once I decided the dogs were going to be bacon wrapped it really came down to what else was going to be added.

This photo should be on the United States Citizenship test - "Write a 3 paragraph story or poem describing how this makes you feel. 200 word minimum. Attach additional sheets of paper as needed."

The Sandwich - Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich. So you've wrapped the dogs in bacon and grilled them. Now what? You have to have cheese and I had slices of American cheese which seemed perfect for this project. Grated sharp cheddar would have worked as well. I should have toasted the buns a bit but I got caught up in making sure I had time to cook the chicken eggs before the dogs got cold.

Speaking of eggs, there is no way these would have worked with a runny yolk. Of course not. Hilarious? Probably. I opted for the practicality of scrambled eggs. When I started contemplating toppings I considered chopped onions but I thought that might get overpowering. Relish? Hell no. I was leaning towards simplicity but had to consider condiments. Mustard didn't seem right with eggs and ketchup struck me as even more preposterous if not downright blasphemous. Hot sauce was the only choice and I selected a homemade blend given to me by a friend. 

I admit that just looks like a stupid mess. 

The Result - Mistakes were made but this was a success never the less. Even if its a sandwich I never revisit these were some mighty tasty dogs. Honestly, the eggs kind of got in the way and tried to fall out with every bite. I also overcooked them a bit - I like my scrambled eggs on the soft side but I went too far. The buns should have been toasted and I thought maybe if the dogs nestled into the buns straight off the grill they would melt the cheese a bit but that didn't happen. None of this detracted from the smokey deliciousness that popped from every bite but I knew I could have done better. It's not easy being a visionary. You think Alexander Graham Bell just woke up one morning and built a HD television? That's not how it works.

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Breakfast Sandwich #122 - Casetta Kitchen aka Delicious Clickbait

Sandwich: Porchetta Egg Sandwich
Location: Casetta Kitchen
Date: July 21, 2018
Cost: $9

Back in May I came across this Food Network article which claims to list the best breakfast sandwich in each state. The Food Network is big on these state by state lists and it gets a little ridiculous - 50 States of Hot Dogs? I guess so, but I'll save you the clicks and spoil the surprise - Wisconsin's entry is a bratwurst, which isn't a hot dog. 50 States of Brunch? I was prepared to be annoyed by that list but I'm going to save you clicks again and tell you their choice for Wisconsin is Graze and they start it off with an order of cheese curds and I can't argue with that. Having said that, a brunch list is about as cheeky as the concept of brunch itself, which is to say, plenty.

As for the breakfast sandwich list I have all the usual complaints about these types of things. How much actual research was done to compile this list? What metrics were used because she sure as shit didn't come here and try more than a precious few of this states offerings. Maybe The Food Network has a Network of Nibblers™ spread all across the nation and they're feeding their info to a writer in Brooklyn who is pretending to know what is going on here in flyover country. If that's the case WHY THE FUCK WASN'T I CONSULTED? I'm sorry. I'm not angry. I'm somewhat upset (very) and a bit disappointed (unfathomably). I just love breakfast sandwiches so much and I hate to see a list which hastily proclaims a sandwich the best in the entire state and callously ignores the rest of the sandwiches, who, perhaps it goes without saying, have feelings too. It's irresponsible and obvious clickbait and boy oh boy did I fall for it cause here we are.

But here is the truth as I know it - the more we learn about sandwiches, the less we know about sandwiches. If one truly has the knowledge of the best sandwich in the state they can show that that have done they research and back it up with with a litany of facts and footnotes and flavor profiles. They did none of this. So we're left with clicks. Clickbait, precisely. That's probably what people want to read anyway, and in most cases, they just want to look at a photo. Nobody really wants to read an exhaustive study on breakfast sandwich offerings in Arkansas, or Wisconsin. There isn't compelling demand for say 100+ reviews of breakfast sandwiches primarily based around a single metropolitan area. I can prove it. My point is that just because the market will accept and even reward watered down proclamations paired with a juicy photo doesn't mean the statement is any less irresponsible. Still, I wish I had the time to introduce myself to each and every sandwich on that list.

I did finally find the time to introduce myself to the sandwich they chose to represent Wisconsin. Casetta Kitchen wasn't on my radar until I read the clickbait article although I think they've been around for a couple of years. They are primarily a breakfast and lunch spot aimed at the downtown business crowd and while they have a few options for breakfast sandwiches during the week the Porchetta is only available on Saturday.

You have options.

That irresistible yolk. I couldn't handle it, I just had to...

...there. 

It's making a strong case for itself. 

The Sandwich - Porchetta. No options are offered. They don't tell you they are going to cook the egg perfectly to your liking without even asking how you like it. They don't tell you that when your sandwich appears the top bun will be cockneyed off at a rakish angle and when you see the yolk it will appear to you as a nipple appears to a hungry baby. That would, admittedly, be a weird thing to put on a menu. It's weird enough to put it here. The provolone cheese is a good choice for this sandwich as it adds a touch of creamy consistency while taking a backseat to the porchetta and giardiniera. The first bite gave me me a Fraboni's porketta sandwich flashback to the days when I worked near the Monona Drive location and ate it with regularity. The meat has a similar herby, smokey, dense flavor but this sandwich is completely different after that. The giardiniera comes on strong here and gets a bit aggressive in my opinion. That's really my only complaint with this sandwich. The kaiser bun is perfect. Perfect. It's soft and malleable but dense enough to hold everything together and mop up the runny yolk. I should have asked them where they are from.

The Results - 4.71 Delicious Clickbaits out of 5 Delicious Clickbaits. This is an excellent sandwich. Best in the state? That's something that every diner needs to decide for themselves. It's a personal decision between the eater and their taste buds and whichever Sandwich God they choose to worship. My only issue is with the giardiniera - it overpowers the meat and that's a real problem due to the uniqueness of this sandwich. Nobody in the area offers a sandwich like this but the porchetta flavor gets walloped over the head by the spicy mix shortly after it hits the pallet and detracts from the porchetta being the star of this show. I'm exaggerating a bit for emphasis, but not much. I'm more critical of great sandwiches and I don't think that's unfair. I just want it to be the best in the state, regardless of what The Food Network thinks. Do you think they really care about us? They do not. They won't even read this. They're probably too busy working on their 50 States of Bone Marrow or 50 States of Raclette or some other bullshit. 

Unrelated to my sandwich I will mention that I had a bite of the Ham & Cheddar and that sandwich is also fantastic. You would do well to peel off from the Farmers Market some Saturday morning and get yourself a real nice sandwich at Casetta Kitchen. I'll also mention the coffee was excellent. I think he said it was a light roast of an Ethiopian blend from a roaster in Stevens Point. I'm not completely sure about that and it doesn't matter cause this isn't a coffee blog.

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Breakfast Sandwich #121 - Lazy Jane's aka Still Lazy After All These Years

Sandwich: Speedy Eggwich
Location: Lazy Jane's Cafe
Date: June 24, 2018
Cost: $4.25

My previous review of Lazy Jane's was in May of 2016 but I didn't know that until I looked it up just now. It's likely I would have guessed it had been about two years. I usually don't consider going there due to the inevitable line-out-the-door but it was suggested to me on this early morning and I immediately heard the call of the scone. I knew if we got moving we'd beat the line and we did. It didn't appear that much had changed since my previous trip and why would they change anything? Why mess with a line that snakes out the door every weekend?

They wisely file would be diners past the bakery case (OK, they probably don't have a choice) and choosing your scone is probably more difficult than deciding what combo of eggs and protein you'll be getting. Not to spoil the review but in the future I might be better off ordering three scones and coffee and juice. I can make eggs but there is almost no chance I'm going to bake scones.

That's a proper cheese melt right there.

The cross section reveals truth.

The Sandwich - Speedy Eggwich. It's the only breakfast sandwich on the menu and there are no options offered. As luck would have it I was in the mood for sausage although I did briefly flirt with the idea of getting a scramble or something other than a sandwich. My sense of duty prevailed and I padded it with a side order of cheesy grits and a scone. Wholly unnecessary but irresistible. You may be aware that when I review a place for a second time I do not read my previous review so as to have an entirely fresh perspective. This can, and does, lead to redundancy or consistency, it depends on how you look at it. Having said that I'm pretty sure this order was a duplicate of the order from two years ago with the possible exception of scone choice.

Upon preparing for the cross section photo the first discovery was that the chicken egg was not runny. I fought back my tears and valiantly soldiered forward. Sense of duty, again. I've had plenty of sandwiches that didn't have a runny egg but I was really hoping for it on this one. Also apparent from the start was that the English Muffin was overly toasted and a bit too crunchy. It gave it a dryness I didn't appreciate. It was getting harder and harder to continue but I was hungry and of course I was going to devour this sandwich - let's not kid ourselves. On a positive note the sausage hit the right notes and the cheddar cheese was melted properly. 

The Result - 3.12 Senses of Duty out of 5 Senses of Duty. The sandwich was OK but I had higher hopes and ultimately it kind of missed the mark. It didn't have the squish or the goo-factor I'm looking for in the morning. Perhaps I should have trusted my instincts and left you people without an update on the Speedy Eggwich? I think the sandwich might be an obligatory menu offering - I'll bet it isn't ordered nearly as often as the scrambles and whatnot. Still, there are positives in these situations, such as the cheesy grits and scone. The cheesy grits aren't on the same level as those from Crema Cafe but that's an unrealistic standard. The scones are still fantastic. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #120 - Introducing the Big MacMuffin?

Sandwich - The Big MacMuffin
Date: June 20, 2018

It started during a short road trip a couple of weeks ago. It was late morning and we decided to hit a McDonald's for a quick breakfast sandwich and get back on the road. From a scholars perspective my interest in a McDonald's breakfast sandwich was not particularly high that day having already reviewed them for #17, #66, #83, #95 and #97. From a road-trippers perspective I was ready for one. But it was late morning and I kind of wanted a Quarter Pounder. I wondered aloud if they might put an egg on it but we knew that they wouldn't. They aren't "Have It Your Way" Burger King or "Think Outside The Bun" Taco Bell. They are "Billions and Billions served" which is another way of saying "this is how we make it and you'll like it just like everybody else".

Without getting too long winded here I screwed up my order and ended up with a "Sausage McMuffin with cheese" which does not include an egg and costs $1.84. It was kinda sad but I got over it, eventually. No egg - no review. That's how it works around here.

A week later I started thinking about Big Macs and what if McDonalds made a breakfast sandwich version of the Big Mac? I can see why they wouldn't want to mess around with it - branding, menu diversification, easily confused consumers and all that. Sure.

That's what the lab is for.

I wanted all components of a Big Mac represented and I already knew the song so I didn't have to research that.

Two all beef patties = two chicken eggs + bonus bacon
Special sauce = mayo on the middle bun (the "club" bun), Cholula green sauce on the crown.
Lettuce = fresh garden mix
Cheese = two slices of American
Pickles = finely chopped giardiniera mix
Onion = red onion
Sesame seed bun - 1.5 English muffins

Methodology - the eggs were puck-cooked in large Mason jar lids. (Side note - I'm done with those things. No matter how much cooking spray you use the egg sticks and they are a pain in the ass to clean and I'm going to buy some non-stick egg rings and do it right.) I wanted to cook the eggs over medium but I was afraid the sandwich would just become a mess so I went a little further. There was no runny yolk on this day. The English Muffins were pre-toasted (a little too lightly) and the finely chopped giardiniera was put on the heel so the pieces could wedge into the nooks and crannies. A couple of pieces of bacon were placed on top. Egg #1 was added along with a slice of cheese. The club bun had mayo applied and was added to the stack. Fresh greens were next, followed buy egg #2, cheese slice #2 and red onion. Green Cholula sauce was applied liberally before the sandwich was "crowned".

Tantalizing

Same sandwich, different angle.

The Result - This was a winner even though there are a few improvements I could make. Toast the English muffin a bit more. Go for the runny eggs, why not? The cheese wasn't melted quite as much as I would have liked. Still, the flavors were there and nothing was overpowering. The giardiniera, bacon, hot sauce and American cheese all came together like champs. Those mixed greens made this a well rounded meal, right? The club bun was crucial so don't you dare say it was a gimmick. This was one of those sandwiches you pick up and don't put back down. It all paired nicely with a glass of cheap sauvignon blanc. I didn't try to cut this in half for a cross section photo, I knew it couldn't keep itself together.

I'll be forwarding this to McDonald's so they can add me to their board of directors or some other cushy position that only requires a few hours of work per month.

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Breakfast Sandwich #119 - Willy Street Co-op (North) aka I'm Gonna Need You To Go Ahead And Make That Egg Yolk Runny, Mmmkay?

Sandwich: Sausage, Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich
Location: Willy Street Co-op (North)
Date: May 27, 2018
Cost: $2.99

Sometimes you find the sandwich and sometimes the sandwich finds you. Welcome to yet another installment of "Accidental Sandwiching". 

There isn't a great story here and I won't try to gussy it up with hyperbolic verbiage and flowery anecdotes and prose. I am probably incapable of that anyway. I went to the North side farmers market and then angled over to the co-op to get one more thing. Sitting at the outside tables there was a couple eating breakfast sandwiches. You know what happened next. 

**Full Disclosure - I am a partial owner of the Willy Street Co-op. My involvement in the day to day business affairs of the co-op is virtually non-existent as the store essentially runs like a well oiled machine without my input. A patchouli oiled machine, but a machine none the less. Honestly, they don't treat me as an owner, more like just another Joe Schmoe walking around looking for bulk quinoa and organic water lily seeds. To them I don't even have a name, I'm just a number. From time to time I offer suggestions but I have the distinct feeling they think my ideas are "pure shit". Excuse me, "pure 100% organic composted manure". Some of my forward thinking ideas that they have ignored include putting a water park in the parking lot, responding to letters and complaints exclusively in haiku and bringing back Chad Vader as a shift manager. They refused all of them. You see what kind of people I'm dealing with?

There is just something about a grab 'n go hot case that I find comforting.

Capturing beauty in the early morning sun. That's a line from a Joni Mitchell song, I think.

Face the sausage patties into the sun, That's the extent of my sandwich photo advice. 

The Sandwich - Sausage, Egg and Cheese Breakfast Sandwich. They also had a bacon version. These were of the pre-made grab 'n go variety so there were no options. I liked that they listed all the ingredients right there on the tiny sign and they were all actual identifiable things rather than partially-hyphenated-sodium-something-or-other. Nobody makes a grab n go sandwich with a runny egg, that's just the way it is. I don't have to like it but I have to accept it so I knew before I unwrapped this how the chicken egg was going to be, and it was. The sausage was surprisingly lacking in personality. It probably could have used more fat and a sprinkling of ingredients that would result in a volley of incensed letters being heaped upon the desk of the Co-op Reader editor. The cheese was somewhat lost in the shuffle here and didn't do anything to distinguish itself. The English Muffin could have used a toasting, it was a bit floppy, no doubt the result of being wrapped in foil in the hot case. These things happen but it's still a little bit sad when it does, isn't it? (It is.)

The Result - 3.11 Accidental Sandwiches out of 5 Accidental Sandwiches. The sandwich was fine but underwhelming. That was the description my companion uttered regarding the bacon sandwich and it mirrored my thoughts. It needed a kick, a boost, an elbow to the ribs. They probably had hot sauce inside and that would have made a big difference but I was outside and wasn't going back in. That would be the way to do it - give it a little makeover after you checkout and then wrap it back up and be on your merry way. I know the co-op can do better but I just wasn't angry enough to send them a letter itemizing my outrage. They get enough of those already.

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