Breakfast Sandwich #153 - Wilson's Bar & Grill aka Sandwich Time Warp

Sandwich: Egg Sandwich
Location: Wilson's Bar & Grill
Date: February 2, 2020
Cost: $4.75

The stats don't lie but I would not have guessed that almost 4 years had passed since my last breakfast sandwich at Wilson's. It's crazy. If that wasn't crazy enough the price of the sandwich hasn't changed over that time either. The menu is different although the breakfast sandwich options remain the same. Wilson's is caught in a time warp and I think that's a good thing.

There are still dozens of televisions and if there is a game/match/contest/battle taking place somewhere in the world they'll probably put it on for you. I'm not sure if they'll change the channel on the monitors above the urinals in the men's room, but you can ask. You should ask. This particular morning was the day of Super Bowl LIV so the most compelling story in sports was broadcasters sticking microphones in front of random faces in Miami and asking them to say anything about the game taking place 8 hours later. I learned nothing.

Classic choices.

A bit of a glorious mess happening here.

The Sandwich - Chicken eggs over medium, bacon, American cheese on wheat toast. This was my standard Wilson's order in the years prior to this blog although I sometimes went with the rye bread.

We happened to be sitting directly across from the grill so the cook himself took our order and I could tell he was a man who takes pride in his work. I'll reiterate what I said in the last review about being able to order your eggs cooked as you like them - the importance of this cannot be overstated. This is a hill that myself and several chickens are willing to die on. Actually, the chickens have no say in the matter. It will not surprise you to learn that the eggs were cooked over medium with runny yolks. The bacon was just a touch crispier than I like it, as was the toast, and the cheese was served with a proper melt. There isn't anything of note to say about this sandwich except that it was a bit haphazardly assembled. You can kind of see it in the photo above. It didn't ruin the sandwich but these little details all come into play when we're looking at the big picture.

The Result - 4 Four Year Hiatuses out of 5 Four Year Hiatuses. The runny yolks offset the bacon and toast and made this a properly sloppy sandwich. Overall it was a solid sandwich but it had room for improvement. That's usually how it goes at Wilson's. I've had better sandwiches there and I've had worse. Not much changes at Wilson's and given how much flux the neighborhood has seen it's comforting to know you can still get a breakfast sandwich here that will point your day in the proper direction. The hash browns are also reliable and the bloody mary is delicious. My neighbor at the bar enjoyed a few whiskey and sodas while I had my sandwich and while that strikes me as a rough choice at 10 am, who am I to judge? His wife was probably at church and he wanted to watch an in-depth profile on Patrick Mahome's favorite wristbands.

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Breakfast Sandwich #147 - Dunkin' Donuts aka Beyond Reviews and Puppet Shows

Sandwich: Beyond Sausage Sandwich
Location: Dunkin' Donuts
Date: November 15, 2019
Cost: $3.99

Earlier in the week I was thinking that if I was any kind of cutting edge breakfast sandwich reporter I would be writing about this new fake meat sandwich that Dunkin Donuts now offers. It has the entire fast-food press pool vibrating with excitement. Sandwich based reporters from all corners of the country have been lighting up our Slack app with their musings. I had wished I was joining in but the Dunkin Donuts in my city are not near me and it would be silly to drive all around the town just to eat a Dunkin Donuts sandwich. The last time I had one it didn't go so well.

But I was intrigued. And then I realized my Friday commitments would take me within striking distance of a Dunkin' Donuts.

Before I get into the sandwich I need to touch on a few points.

Through our work in the lab and in the field, we have proven that it's possible to make an excellent breakfast sandwich without killing some animals. (What about the chicken egg? Huh? Blah-blah-fucking-blah...NO!) The secret to a great vegetarian breakfast sandwich is avocado. We know this. Is fake meat really necessary? I doubt it, but I had to find out firsthand. My point is that I wanted to try the "Beyond Meat" sandwich even though my gut tells me that fake meat is a scam put out by "Big Vegetable". That's right - it's a conspiracy. Wake up, people.

More importantly, I have to question why Snoop Dogg was chosen to help launch the Beyond Meat sandwich line. My initial thought when I heard that was "you gotta be higher than fuck to eat one of these sandwiches" cause that's what we associate Snoop Dogg with. Well, that and narrating animal videos. I guess he's a vegetarian now though and Dunkin is clearly all-in on trying to reach that crucial but elusive Gen Zinneal™ breakfast consumer. They're a fickle demographic.

This is it, the lone photo. I went to the drive-thru and took this after turning the car around so the sun would come in the window for better lighting.

The Sandwich - Beyond Sausage Sandwich. The only choice is American or White Cheddar cheese. I went with the American to make it more like a classic breakfast sandwich. Let's get right to the fake meat part - the patty size is ample. It looks good. It didn't have as much smell as I thought it would, usually these things immediately fill the car with their scent. The first taste that hits is black pepper, overwhelmingly so. I expected more fennel and salt but not so much. The flavor dissipates quickly after the bite, it doesn't linger on the tongue long. I'm not sure if we can blame that on the lack of a dead animal or something else. The consistency is a bit smoother than actual sausage and all these factors give it away as an imposter. If you were served this and nobody told you what it was but they kept looking at you funny while you ate it you'd think maybe they had snuck in some turkey sausage or tempe or soyage. You'd know they were up to something. Everything else is pretty standard fast-food breakfast sandwich quality - melty cheese, decently toasted English Muffin, puck egg with no runny yolk because once upon a time somebody ate an undercooked egg and thought they got sick. All the normal things you expect when somebody hands you a sandwich through a little window and directly into your car. By the way, here's a free idea for a place with a drive-thru window - put up some cute little curtains and have the employees do a little puppet show while consumers wait for their food. Get rid of that faceless speaker - people can order directly from the puppet(s). Bingo. Please send me my check for $1,000,000.00. Thank you.

The Result - 3.25 Ethically Treated Puppets out of 5 Ethically Treated Puppets. This sandwich was leaps and bounds better than sandwich #21 from Dunkin which contained actual bacon. That counts for something. Overall, the sandwich was fine. For $4 and given the circumstances, it was perfectly acceptable. If you're a vegetarian, tack on a few extra points. Yes, you'd be better off getting a sandwich from an actual restaurant - something with avocado and delicious cheese and a runny yolk. You'd prefer that. We'd all prefer that. If you're stuck in a position of limited options the Beyond Sausage Sandwich will suit you well. Will it last as a nationwide offering? Will enough people order it to keep it on the menu? The product itself probably has a much longer shelf life than meat. These places shake up their menus all the time so I won't be surprised if this falls off in 8 months after Snoop Doog has gone back to eating juicy ribeye steaks.

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Breakfast Sandwich #142 - Player's Sports Bar aka Friends Old and New

Sandwich: Buzzy with Sausage
Location: Player's Sports Bar & Grill
Date: September 21, 2019
Cost: $7.50, with cheesy hash browns

This sandwich was not planned. My visit to Player's came up at the last minute and since I hadn't eaten I knew I'd be revisiting my old friend. Until I sat down to write this I did not realize that it had been since January 1, 2018, that I'd had a Buzzy. There have been a few patty melts and burgers during that span, and at least one basket of chicken wings, but no breakfast sandwiches. 

I was ready for a Buzzy but I didn't know I was missing an important part of The Buzzy Sandwich Story. A cornerstone to the monument of the Buzzy had not yet been put in place. 

Specifically - I had never ordered it with sausage. I'm as shocked as you are. No, I'm several layers more shocked than you are. 

This seems impossible but when I looked back at my previous visits I realized that Sandwich #109 coincided with the period when the sausage option had been replaced by the burger patty. At some point the burger was wisely switched back to sausage and the options are once again ham, bacon, or sausage. 

Looking further back on the timeline, Breakfast Sandwich #100 was ordered with bacon as was Sandwich #69. Everybody knows the story of Sandwich #1. (No? Spoiler - it had bacon on it.)

I'm shocked but not ashamed. I like bacon and so do you, however, we strive to provide a wide swatch of informative sandwich opinions here and this oversight needed to be corrected. Toot Sweet.

It is very unlikely I'll order the version with ham, research be damned, so this post about sausage is as historic as writing about a breakfast sandwich can be. Gravitas with a side of gravy. 

This photo wasn't taken by a drone, it just looks that way. 

Wait just a daggum minute! Is that TWO sausage patties? Yes, it is. Also note, Hopalicious photo bomb. 

The Sandwich - Buzzy with Sausage. Other than choice of meat there are no other options offered for the Buzzy. I assume they always double up on the sausage patties since they are quite thin but I don't know that for a fact. They do always get that Texas toast just right. The American cheese was perfectly melty and the egg was just slightly runny. Take a good look at that photo and you know what this sandwich was all about - it was a salty, fatty, slightly crunchy, gooey and tasty treat.

The Result - 4.3 Corrected Oversights out of 5 Corrected Oversights. In short, the sausage version gives the bacon version a good run for it's money. It's a win-win situation (not for your arteries), and since both versions are both equally bad for your aortas and ventricles, choose whichever your heart desires. The Buzzy is a classic, simple breakfast sandwich. It does benefit greatly from it's surroundings as I notice when I look back at my previous reviews that all five of the Buzzy's have been consumed on a weekend during football season. The atmosphere at Player's on a football Saturday is a perfect compliment to this sandwich - folks attending the game are getting a quick bite in before heading out to the game and everybody else is settling onto a bar stool to watch it on the teevee. If you're lucky and you choose the right stool you'll make a new friend like I did. His name is Herbie and he likes sports. I wish he had ordered a Buzzy as he would have made a helluva guest reviewer, but it wasn't in the cards on this day.

I came away with a new friend and the realization that my old friend the Buzzy Sandwich had a tasty side to him that I was unaware of.

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Breakfast Sandwich #126 - What The Hell? aka Lab Failures

Sandwich: Chili Mac, Egg & Cheese
Date: 10/24/18

This experiment started as a chance to use my new NORPRO 666 non-stick egg cooking rings. A couple of quick notes about those cooking rings - why is their product number The Number of The Beast and if they are sold as "non-stick" why is the first instruction to coat them with non-stick cooking spray before use? I guess if you're cooking chicken eggs IN HELL they tend to stick on account of the extreme heat. How are you going to cook eggs on a medium to low temperature when you're in the lake that burns with fire and sulfer? These are problems that fall well outside the scope and mission of the lab. This is a modest operation we have here.

The non-stick egg rings were an attempt to ditch the Mason Jar lid method which I've documented and never been fully satisfied with mostly due to the hassle of washing egg out of the lid rim. While prepping for this I realized I had leftover chili mac and considered how I could add that to the sandwich. My immediate thought was that it would be an impractical mess but I went ahead with the idea because that's how it works around here. To realize the perfect sloppy sandwich you sometimes have to go too far and if that means going into the project with failure hovering in your peripheral vision, so be it.

Right off the bat I broke the yolk and put the ring in upside down. 

The cheese did melt a little more but not quite enough. 

The Sandwich - I already told you about the broken yolk and while I was messing with the English Muffin and chili mac (which was heating separately) I overcooked the egg a bit. The English Muffin wasn't quite toasted enough, the slice of American cheese didn't melt as much as I wanted and even though I assembled the sandwich and paused for a few photos the chili mac was still hot enough to burn the roof of my mouth. I didn't even attempt to cut the sandwich for the usual cross section photo and after two bites the sandwich was a predictable mess and I had a burnt hard palate, which was upsetting. 

The Result - The sandwich was OK but it had too much working against it and nobody thinks putting chili mac on an English Muffin is a good idea. It doesn't execute properly. I'll try to be more practical in the future or better yet, go to an actual restaurant. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #123 - Not A Sandwich. Not A Sandwich. You're The Sandwich!

Sandwich: Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich
Date: August 29, 2018

Sometimes you have to see an idea through to it's natural conclusion just to get it out of your head. That was the case here and it all started when I bought a package of Hebrew National Beef Franks and a carton of eggs on the same day. I looked into my shopping basket and saw them sitting side by side and it occurred to me that they should become intimate with each other, on a bun, and that I was the perfect person to facilitate that.

By the time I executed the plan I had decided to wrap the hot dogs in bacon to make them more breakfasty. The absurdity of wrapping kosher franks in bacon didn't strike me until I was in the act and while there were no rabbi's present I am an ordained minister and I decided that I needed to absolve these franks of their sins. Therefore, I gave them a penance of trial of fire, a temporal punishment of sorts, and sentenced them to purgatory, which in this case was my belly.

And so the lab moved outside for this experiment - at least partly. Never barbecue indoors. It says it right on the bag of Kingsford Charcoal. (Did you know you can review Kingsford briquets on their web site and give them a 1-5 star ranking? "Angelgrillin" gave them one star - "Have to constantly relight. Have to run out multiple times. Keep pering out window". You know how she gets when she has to keep pering out the window? She doesn't like it but she's an angel for Christ's sake so she'll just leave a one star review on the internet and move on.)

Once I decided the dogs were going to be bacon wrapped it really came down to what else was going to be added.

This photo should be on the United States Citizenship test - "Write a 3 paragraph story or poem describing how this makes you feel. 200 word minimum. Attach additional sheets of paper as needed."

The Sandwich - Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich. So you've wrapped the dogs in bacon and grilled them. Now what? You have to have cheese and I had slices of American cheese which seemed perfect for this project. Grated sharp cheddar would have worked as well. I should have toasted the buns a bit but I got caught up in making sure I had time to cook the chicken eggs before the dogs got cold.

Speaking of eggs, there is no way these would have worked with a runny yolk. Of course not. Hilarious? Probably. I opted for the practicality of scrambled eggs. When I started contemplating toppings I considered chopped onions but I thought that might get overpowering. Relish? Hell no. I was leaning towards simplicity but had to consider condiments. Mustard didn't seem right with eggs and ketchup struck me as even more preposterous if not downright blasphemous. Hot sauce was the only choice and I selected a homemade blend given to me by a friend. 

I admit that just looks like a stupid mess. 

The Result - Mistakes were made but this was a success never the less. Even if its a sandwich I never revisit these were some mighty tasty dogs. Honestly, the eggs kind of got in the way and tried to fall out with every bite. I also overcooked them a bit - I like my scrambled eggs on the soft side but I went too far. The buns should have been toasted and I thought maybe if the dogs nestled into the buns straight off the grill they would melt the cheese a bit but that didn't happen. None of this detracted from the smokey deliciousness that popped from every bite but I knew I could have done better. It's not easy being a visionary. You think Alexander Graham Bell just woke up one morning and built a HD television? That's not how it works.

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Breakfast Sandwich #120 - Introducing the Big MacMuffin?

Sandwich - The Big MacMuffin
Date: June 20, 2018

It started during a short road trip a couple of weeks ago. It was late morning and we decided to hit a McDonald's for a quick breakfast sandwich and get back on the road. From a scholars perspective my interest in a McDonald's breakfast sandwich was not particularly high that day having already reviewed them for #17, #66, #83, #95 and #97. From a road-trippers perspective I was ready for one. But it was late morning and I kind of wanted a Quarter Pounder. I wondered aloud if they might put an egg on it but we knew that they wouldn't. They aren't "Have It Your Way" Burger King or "Think Outside The Bun" Taco Bell. They are "Billions and Billions served" which is another way of saying "this is how we make it and you'll like it just like everybody else".

Without getting too long winded here I screwed up my order and ended up with a "Sausage McMuffin with cheese" which does not include an egg and costs $1.84. It was kinda sad but I got over it, eventually. No egg - no review. That's how it works around here.

A week later I started thinking about Big Macs and what if McDonalds made a breakfast sandwich version of the Big Mac? I can see why they wouldn't want to mess around with it - branding, menu diversification, easily confused consumers and all that. Sure.

That's what the lab is for.

I wanted all components of a Big Mac represented and I already knew the song so I didn't have to research that.

Two all beef patties = two chicken eggs + bonus bacon
Special sauce = mayo on the middle bun (the "club" bun), Cholula green sauce on the crown.
Lettuce = fresh garden mix
Cheese = two slices of American
Pickles = finely chopped giardiniera mix
Onion = red onion
Sesame seed bun - 1.5 English muffins

Methodology - the eggs were puck-cooked in large Mason jar lids. (Side note - I'm done with those things. No matter how much cooking spray you use the egg sticks and they are a pain in the ass to clean and I'm going to buy some non-stick egg rings and do it right.) I wanted to cook the eggs over medium but I was afraid the sandwich would just become a mess so I went a little further. There was no runny yolk on this day. The English Muffins were pre-toasted (a little too lightly) and the finely chopped giardiniera was put on the heel so the pieces could wedge into the nooks and crannies. A couple of pieces of bacon were placed on top. Egg #1 was added along with a slice of cheese. The club bun had mayo applied and was added to the stack. Fresh greens were next, followed buy egg #2, cheese slice #2 and red onion. Green Cholula sauce was applied liberally before the sandwich was "crowned".

Tantalizing

Same sandwich, different angle.

The Result - This was a winner even though there are a few improvements I could make. Toast the English muffin a bit more. Go for the runny eggs, why not? The cheese wasn't melted quite as much as I would have liked. Still, the flavors were there and nothing was overpowering. The giardiniera, bacon, hot sauce and American cheese all came together like champs. Those mixed greens made this a well rounded meal, right? The club bun was crucial so don't you dare say it was a gimmick. This was one of those sandwiches you pick up and don't put back down. It all paired nicely with a glass of cheap sauvignon blanc. I didn't try to cut this in half for a cross section photo, I knew it couldn't keep itself together.

I'll be forwarding this to McDonald's so they can add me to their board of directors or some other cushy position that only requires a few hours of work per month.

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Breakfast Sandwich #114 - Kwik Trip aka Spelling Counts

Sandwich: Egg White, Ham and Cheese Muffin
Location: Kwik Trip (formerly a PDQ), Stoughton Road.
Date: March 10, 2018
Cost: $2.69

My previous review of Kwik Trip happened by accident - I was on a road trip with some folks and we pulled over for gas and snacks and I snapped into sandwich reviewer mode and #94 happened. This is how it goes when you are America's Premier Breakfast Sandwich Reviewer™ (Which as of this moment I have proclaimed myself as. I'm willing to abdicate this title to a worthy individual but I will need proof. Articles such as "The Sausage McMuffin/Big Mac Sandwich Hack You Have To Try" will not be accepted as evidence and will likely cause me to want to punch you in the bacon bits. I would never do that, of course, but I'll consider it momentarily.) Anyway, this visit was much more deliberate - I had things to do on a Saturday morning and this new Kwik Trip (formerly a PDQ) was on my route and I wanted to check in and see what they could offer the Madison Breakfast Sandwich Market. This is the type of information that you, the consumer, expects from America's Premier Breakfast Sandwich Reviewer™.

Is anybody else getting tired of all these intentionally misspelled brands? It was fine for awhile but now that it's standard for people to send you a message that says "K CU L8R" I think we've gone too far. Elon Musk should be airdropping pocket sized dictionaries all across this country rather than selling crappy flamethrowers and launching cars into space. I know I sound like Grampa Simpson but in my day we spelled words correctly and we wrote them in cursive and we made our own molotov cocktails and when we dreamed of space cars they didn't have wheels and weren't attached to rockets WHICH IS TOTALLY CHEATING AND DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.

Excuse me. Let me tell you about this sandwich. Here are some photos that will help calm me down. I'm sorry I made a joke about punching people in the bacon bits. I don't even know what that means.

Note - this was a Saturday morning. During the work week there are at least three times the sandwiches on display.

What is there to say about this other then I can already tell that muffin should be toasted more.

The plastic cutlery did a really swell job of slicing this open to reveal exactly what I thought I would see.

The Sandwich - Egg White, Ham & Cheese Muffin. If you look at the photo of the hot case above you'll see that the slot for this sandwich is empty. I took the photo and grabbed a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Muffin and right after that Hairneted Sandwich Chef Lady brought out a new batch of sandwiches. I opted to alter my selection in the name of freshness. I already mentioned the muffin, which needed more toasting. This would have made a big difference as the whole sandwich had a rubbery consistency that I wasn't appreciating. Other than that it tasted exactly how you think. The American cheese was melted, that ham was of a standard deli quality and the egg white was just fine. I think this may be the first egg white sandwich I've ordered which means I don't get to complain about not having a runny yolk. I really missed that yolk. Additional toasting and a runny yolk (which would never happen in this situation) would have made a big difference here but you play (eat) the hand (sandwich) you're dealt (foolishly choose from the hot case).

The Result - 2.19 That's No Yolks out of 5 That's No Yolks. This is a $2.19 sandwich masquerading as a $2.69 sandwich. You might be thinking "that's only 50 cents", and it is, but in the world of grab & go breakfast sandwiches that is the sweet spot and the consumer has several options under $3. There are many factors that might lead to somebody buying a Kwik Trip sandwich - convenience being the most likely. My ranking here is weighted more towards what other choices people have rather than my just my personal preference. Honestly, this sandwich was fine for what it was although it's unlikely I would seek one out for enjoyment rather than research and reporting. I'm well aware that I have loftier expectations than most consumers. I do think the coffee that PDQ carried at this location was better than the Karuba they now carry as a Kwik Trip. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #112 - Stalzy's aka Fundamentally Speaking

Sandwich: Breakfast Sandwich
Location: Stalzy's Deli & Bakery
Date: February 17, 2018
Cost: $7.50

I reviewed Stalzy's in August of 2015 and I hadn't been back for breakfast since. During that visit I ordered The Brooklyn and I recall thinking it was tremendous but sandwich related duties had kept me from making it back there until now. It didn't feel like two and half years since my initial visit but the sandwich industry waits for no man and I was excited to return and try something else.

In keeping with protocol I have not read my previous Stalzy's review so as not to influence my ranking in this review. The other side of that coin is that there is a good chance I'll repeat myself but let's not kid each other - nobody remembers what I wrote two and a half years ago and you're not going to go back and read it now. You're probably not even going to read this. 

I was nearly swayed by that Pork Breakfast Sandwich but decided to go with the standard and a promise to myself to get back there relatively soon to try the other.

It arrived jauntily propped across itself with a rakish pool of yolk peering from underneath.

The Sandwich - Breakfast Sandwich. The only choices offered on the menu are the meats but I suspect they would cook the chicken egg however you like and substitute the bread for other options they have on hand. I was in the mood for bacon so that was an easy choice. The classics will never fail you. At no time was I tempted to try the bologna although that would have been a first for these pages. I don't consider bologna a breakfast meat but I'm wondering how much of a difference there is between bologna and pork roll, the breakfast staple of the east coast. That's a discussion for another time and sandwich. The execution of this sandwich was nearly flawless with the egg cooked just how I like it and the American cheese and mayo combining into a fantasticated viscousness. Truth be told the sandwich might not need the mayonnaise but it worked for me. The bread was toasted to the level required for a sandwich of this nature - anything less and it would risk falling apart. The bacon was just a touch crispier than I like it but I'm quibbling about minor details at this point. Ultimately this is a solid, basic breakfast sandwich with the mayo being the the only deviation from the classic BEC model. Sometimes it's all about the fundamentals.

The Result - 4.48 Bacon Fundamentals out of 5 Bacon Fundamentals. As Vince Lombardi might have said, "Gentlemen, this is a sandwich." I think I've covered all the details I need to with this sandwich. It was everything I wanted a breakfast sandwich to be on that morning. Some days you want ginger aioli and arugula and house made kangaroo sausage and other days you want the classics. I also heartily recommend the potato pancakes. I don't know if they make the jams/jellies in house but they are fantastic as well.

I just dipped back into my review from August of 2015 (Sandwich #34) and I concluded that review with "I may make it back to try the classic breakfast sandwich at some point." I'm slow but I'm a man of my word.


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Breakfast Sandwich #109 - Players Sports Bar aka Perfect Timing

Sandwich: The Buzzy Sandwich with Burger Patty
Location: Players Sports Bar & Grill
Date: January 1, 2018
Cost: $8.25

You probably already know that a Buzzy Sandwich at Players Sports Bar was Sandwich #1 and that's how this whole thing got started and now three full calendar years later we're still here eating breakfast sandwiches. Praise Cheeses!

It seemed appropriate that I get back to my roots and go to Players on New Years Day to have a Buzzy Sandwich and reflect on auld sandwiches and look forward to new sandwiches and developments for 2018. I have a few ideas but I have more ideas than time and honestly I don't think many of you give a rats ass if I expand this thing anyway.

The visit to Players wasn't just idle nostalgia though - at some point over the past three years they started offering The Buzzy with a burger patty rather than sausage and I had not yet reviewed that. I have been back to Players since the introductory sandwich, Sandwich #69 (when sausage was still available), and Sandwich #100 (burger patty now available), but I had not had the burger patty. This is to say that there was research to do.

Might as well start the year with a terrible photo. I have a reputation to uphold.

Aerial view. I only cared about the sandwich so I just went with the chips but the chips are stupid. Look at that toast though. Beautiful.

Breakfast Sandwich Medium Rare.

The Sandwich - Buzzy Sandwich with Burger Patty. They ask you how you would like the burger cooked but that's the only variable. I'm sure they would switch out the cheese if requested but I'm good with the American. Normally I would say this egg was cooked more than I like but with the gooey American cheese and medium rare patty it balanced out. The Texas Toast was done perfectly and held all this together, it always seems like the ideal vehicle for this sandwich. This is a serious sandwich, the burger patty has considerably more heft than bacon and I was glad I was eating this as lunch rather than breakfast.

Everything about being at Players on New Years Day felt right. The sandwich was delicious and I think starting the year where Sandwich #1 launched this foolish endeavor was the right call. I was sated and happy and that's when I realized that Mr. Buzzy himself had arrived and was standing behind me. Mr. Buzzy is the namesake for The Buzzy Sandwich and the closest thing to royalty you might find at Players. Read about Sandwich #100 for the background on this situation. This was clearly a sign from beyond our known reality and I took the opportunity to introduce myself. I asked him which version of The Buzzy is his favorite and he said they're all good. I pictured him as a bacon man but I can understand him not wanting to play favorites with his sandwich. Everybody knows that parents with multiple children have a favorite child but they'll never admit it. I think that was the case here and that's acceptable from where I stand. There were many more questions I wanted to ask but somebody was surrendering their bar stool so he could sit down and I didn't want to be the guy who kept asking dumb questions when all he really wanted was a cold beer.

The Result - 4.18 Signs From The Sandwich Dimension out of 5 Signs From The Sandwich Dimension. All said, this is a very good sandwich but it doesn't feel like a breakfast sandwich. It feels like a burger with an egg on it (which it is). It was a bit too much for me even though I ate it at about 1:00 pm so it can't count as breakfast. Truth be told it was actually breakfast and lunch for me but it certainly wasn't "brunch" because nobody talks about "brunch" at Players. Next time (January 1, 2019?) I'll get the bacon, just how I imagine Mr. Buzzy would.

As I got up to leave and was putting my jacket on Mr. Buzzy turned from his barstool and said "keep eating those sandwiches" and gave me a fist bump. It's going to be a good year. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #105 - Research In The Leftovers Lab

About a week ago I realized I would soon have plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers and that I should fashion a breakfast sandwich out of them. I thought if I could get my hands on a turkey egg that would be the final piece to a perfect Thanksgiving leftover breakfast sandwich. It was a good thought, but I had no idea where to get a turkey egg. I did email a local organic farm that raises turkeys but they weren't interested in playing my game. They're probably a bunch of damn hippies anyway.

If I had started my quest for turkey egg earlier, and contacted more than one farm, I probably could have gotten my hands on one. I'm not sure it would have been worth the effort but it really would have been a nice touch on this sandwich.

The only bread I had in house was Bay's Muti-Grain English Muffins. (Did you know that Bay's claim that the original Egg McMuffin was served on a Bay's English Muffin?) No problem there, that is the perfect base for a breakfast sandwich although it does inform the rest of the decisions in constructing the sandwich. You can't overload an English Muffin and you have to plan for a more vertical sandwich as you have a limited footprint.

Other than the English Muffin, here is a list of what I was working with:

Turkey meat - both white and dark meat
Sausage and Walnut Dressing
Gravy
Chicken Eggs
Cranberries
1 piece of American cheese

As much as I wanted to include mashed potatoes on this sandwich I had eaten them all the night before. It would have been too much for the English Muffin anyway. I eliminated the cranberries figuring things would get too sloppy. I had other cheeses but had already decided to use the last piece of American cheese.

I prefer dark meat but went with the white meat for this sandwich simply because I could take one slice that was a little larger than the muffin and it would be solid for construction. I took that and a scoop of dressing and wrapped them in foil to heat in the toaster oven. When they were hot pulled them out of the toaster and "buttered" the muffin halves with gravy, and popped them into the toaster. While those toasted I cooked the chicken egg in a Mason jar lid so I'd have a nice egg puck to match the shape of the English Muffin. A turkey egg probably would have been too large for a jar lid but I would have found a way to make it work and I haven't come to peace with the idea that I should have gotten a turkey egg and I'll probably stew on it for a whole year but NEXT YEAR I will start inquiring earlier.

Construction - Thick muffin side for the base, turkey, dressing, slice of American cheese, egg, muffin top.

Fear not! The cheese melted more, this was taken immediately after construction.

Slicing the sandwich was a little rough but you can see that the cheese melted and the egg was perfectly runny. At this point I realized that leaving the cranberries off was a good choice. It would have been too messy. 

The Result - This was so tasty I wanted to punch a Pilgrim in the face. I don't rate my Lab Research Sandwiches but this was fantastic and you should make one right now if you still have leftovers. I'd like to try one with mashed potatoes but that will have to wait. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #94 - Kwik Trip aka You Be Trippin'

Sandwich: Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant
Location: Kwik Trip, somewhere in the Fox River Valley
Date: June 17, 2017
Cost: $2.69

I'm not a fan of Kwik Trip for reasons unrelated to breakfast sandwiches and I wasn't even aware they had them. I probably could have surmised as much but I never go there and simply never consider them for anything. That's not entirely true, I used the free air hose at a location a few months ago.

As a passenger on a road trip we stopped for gas and whatnot at a Kwik Trip somewhere in the Fox River Valley and there I learned they have a plethora of breakfast sandwich options. I probably should have taken a photo of the entire hot case, which was teeming with sandwiches and possibly breakfast burritos, since the Kwik Trip web site sucks and doesn't list the menu options in a convenient manner.

The hot case has informative signs with all the info you need to make your sandwich decision. Their web site may be shit but their POP signage game is strong. 

You may be accustomed to my crappy photos but you'll have to accept a further drop off in quality here. This was taken standing outside the store near the propane tanks which is why there is not the normal "cross section" photo showing the sandwich innards. 

The Sandwich - Sausage, Egg & Cheese Croissant. Of the many variations of sandwich offered I went with a classic with a twist. I've been on a sausage kick lately but you may recall I have lamented the use of croissants for sandwiches in past reviews. I don't think they make for a proper vessel and they often are too squishy to maintain integrity. For a grab & go style sandwich a croissant is a risky choice as it may not prove to be road worthy. We're all about risks here, clearly, so I went with this one. The real choice I made, the actual hardest decision, was to only buy one sandwich. I was fully aware that I may not ever come back and I thought I might try two varieties so as to conduct maximum research. Ultimately I made the selfish decision to stick to a single sandwich as I had a full day ahead of me and didn't want to feel like a rat trapped in a grease trap.

So, anyway. The croissant was shaped almost in a square which makes for a better sandwich than a normal, elongated croissant. I suspect they bio-engineer them this way for sandwich purposes and I have to give them credit for that. The sausage was more bland than I expected. For any fast food restaurant or gas station I assume the sausage will be salty and grisly but this was on the bland side, which I guess is better than grisly. The cheese was American and was melty from being in the hot case. The egg was the typical non-yolky-we-dont-take-any-chances variety you get from all these kinds of places that don't like to have any fun and make their employees wear stupid polo shirts. 

The Result - 2.69 I Probably Wasn't Going To Come Back Regardlesses out of 5 I Probably Wasn't Going To Come Back Regardlesses. This sandwich cost $2.69 and was worth every penny, exactly. My overall impressions of the sandwich were "bland" and "squishy". I kind of enjoyed the squishiness. I think it helped the whole thing sorta melt in my mouth and slide down my gullet, which may not sound good to you but it worked on this morning while standing in the parking lot. The blandness was less impressive as blandness is in any type of food or endeavor. It was an OK sandwich, and for the price, perfectly acceptable if you're in a hurry and have low expectations. A guy like me, I have higher expectations.

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