Tomorrow we celebrate the Independence of the United States of America and there is nothing more American than the fast-food restaurant. Chain restaurants are also something our nation can be proud of. After that it goes downhill quickly. What do we have besides incredible National Parks and National Football Leagues? I can't think of anything else. (Did you see that we have Citizenship Ceremonies in National Parks? I didn't know that. The cynic in me says that it won't last for long but for now I think it's pretty great.)
Do fast-food and chain restaurants represent our shared culture and uniquely American ideals, freedom and vision, or are they symbols of our laziness, homogeny and dwindling intellect? All of those things, probably.
To celebrate our nation's birthday I have compiled a roundup of all the sandwiches I have reviewed that are available from sea to shining sea. As our nation increasingly slides into a languid mental torpor I offer the following as the perfect reading material for letting your frontal lobe morph into xanthan gum.
These are listed by review number, location, sandwich type and finally, the rating I gave the sandwich. They are ranked highest rating to lowest.
#25. Taco Bell AM Crunchwrap with Sausage - 3.75
#66. McDonald's Sausage, Egg Biscuit - 3.5
#68. Chik-fil-A Chicken, Egg & Cheese Bagel - 3.5
#71. Panera Sausage, Egg & Cheese - 3.5
#55. Taco Bell Breakfast Quesalupa with Sausage - 3.4
#95. McDonald's Sausage, Egg McMuffin - 3.09
#42. Subway Bacon, Egg and Cheese - 2.98
#37. Einstein Bagels Bacon & Cheddar on Green Chile Bagel - 2.95
#17. McDonald's Sausage, Egg McMuffin - 2.29
#27. Hardee's Grilled Cheese Breakfast Sandwich w/Sausage - 2.19
#83. McDonald's Sausage, Egg McGriddle - 2.06
#93. Panera Sausage Egg & Cheese - 2.0
#14. Cracker Barrel Egg Sandwich + Sausage Biscuit - 1.99
#30. Burger King Bacon, Sausage, Egg & Cheese - 1.974
#12. Sonic Breakfast Toaster with Bacon - 1.56
#63. Denny's Two Moons Over My Hammy - 1.56
#21. Dunkin' Donuts Bacon, Egg & Cheese on Bagel - 1.27
I skimmed the reviews as I compiled them and my general impression is that the top rated sandwiches are rated a little too high. Also, #83 and #30 are two of the better reviews. I'm not sure my opinion is valid but I'm sharing it anyway.
Review #30 is by far the most read review of those listed and is the second most read review of all time. That stat is a bit misleading as it was shared on Reddit which pushed its numbers up dramatically. #17 is a distant second in terms of fast-food readership. I don't know why that one is more widely read than some of the others.
I had no idea I'd eaten so many mass produced sandwiches and I don't know if it makes me feel dirty or like an All-American Hero. I do know that tomorrow I'm going to eat some bratwurst.
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Monday, July 3, 2017
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Dear Diary, I Bought A Toaster Oven aka Breakfast Sandwiches #74, #75, #76
Dear Diary,
With 2016 coming to a close I have found myself increasingly uncertain about the future of the country and the psyche of Americans in general. Like many Americans I sought to quell my anxiety by participating in the fetishized consumerism of Black Friday. If there is one thing that can calm a tizzied mind it's a small kitchen appliance and lots and lots of cheese and bacon. That's more than one thing but you get my point. Diary, this may be nothing more than the ramblings of a man gone mad for sandwiches but if you need me I'll be in the lab making breakfast sandwiches. Beyond the settling of a harried consciousness I think that the sandwich might be the key to uniting a divided country. There is research to do. Nothing less than the future of our country is at stake.
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What happened is that I needed a new toaster and while shopping I realized that a toaster oven costs only slightly more than a regular toaster yet offers so much more. PROS: increased sandwichibility. CONS: reduced counter space. Sandwiches win, naturally.
There are a ridiculous amount of toaster ovens available. Black & Decker, Kitchenaid, Cuisinart, Breville, and Hamilton Beach are all in the toaster oven game. Shit. I'd never heard of Breville but their toaster ovens look really nice and cost more than twice that of a Cuisinart. When did Black & Decker start making kitchen appliances? Does Cuisinart make chainsaws? After much deliberation I ended up with the Cuisinart TOB-60N1 which looks adequate for my needs.
For a variety of reasons, not that one needs a reason, I already had a plethora of cheese on hand. Whole milk Swiss, butterkase, brick, extra sharp cheddar, pepper jack, Monterey jack, some kind of Gouda. That's just what pops into my head right now and that seem like good options for a breakfast sandwich.
I also already had bacon. One package of English Muffins later I was ready to get to work.
Breakfast Sandwich #74 - bacon, butterkase, red onion, egg.
#74 Result - A strong first take. Butterkase is a good cheese for a breakfast sandwich, it melts nicely and is creamy. I should have used more bacon, this was only two pieces. Scant usage of red onion was the key here. Pound for pound nothing adds a little zip to a sandwich like red onion but you have to use it sparingly. This sandwich emboldened me and gave me hope.
#76 Result - the yin and yang of sandwich making? In terms of flavor this sandwich was a real dynamo. I thought that the Sriracha mayo and extra sharp cheddar would blend nicely, and they did. Those flavors pair wonderfully with the salty bacon. Yeah! I had some missteps in production though. I tried putting the tray in the bottom of the toaster oven to help with dripping cheese clean up and that affected the toasting of the muffins. I overcooked the egg so there was no runny yolk. Then I tried to cut the sandwich with a butter knife, but the muffin was too squishy from lack of toasting and you can see how that turned out. Well, shit. My only excuse is that I was trying to get ready for work and was also making my lunchtime sandwich at the same time. Did I mention how tasty this was? It was amazing.
With 2016 coming to a close I have found myself increasingly uncertain about the future of the country and the psyche of Americans in general. Like many Americans I sought to quell my anxiety by participating in the fetishized consumerism of Black Friday. If there is one thing that can calm a tizzied mind it's a small kitchen appliance and lots and lots of cheese and bacon. That's more than one thing but you get my point. Diary, this may be nothing more than the ramblings of a man gone mad for sandwiches but if you need me I'll be in the lab making breakfast sandwiches. Beyond the settling of a harried consciousness I think that the sandwich might be the key to uniting a divided country. There is research to do. Nothing less than the future of our country is at stake.
---
What happened is that I needed a new toaster and while shopping I realized that a toaster oven costs only slightly more than a regular toaster yet offers so much more. PROS: increased sandwichibility. CONS: reduced counter space. Sandwiches win, naturally.
There are a ridiculous amount of toaster ovens available. Black & Decker, Kitchenaid, Cuisinart, Breville, and Hamilton Beach are all in the toaster oven game. Shit. I'd never heard of Breville but their toaster ovens look really nice and cost more than twice that of a Cuisinart. When did Black & Decker start making kitchen appliances? Does Cuisinart make chainsaws? After much deliberation I ended up with the Cuisinart TOB-60N1 which looks adequate for my needs.
For a variety of reasons, not that one needs a reason, I already had a plethora of cheese on hand. Whole milk Swiss, butterkase, brick, extra sharp cheddar, pepper jack, Monterey jack, some kind of Gouda. That's just what pops into my head right now and that seem like good options for a breakfast sandwich.
I also already had bacon. One package of English Muffins later I was ready to get to work.
Breakfast Sandwich #74 - bacon, butterkase, red onion, egg.
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| #74 - My first sandwich in the Cuisinart. |
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| #74 - Proper chicken egg |
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Breakfast Sandwich #75 - bacon, whole milk Swiss, mild giardiniera, egg.
#75 Result - Strong, but needs work. It was tough to say goodbye to the last of my whole milk aged Swiss cheese. It was purchased in the Cheese Tent at Cheese Days and I don't know when I'll be able to get more, but damn, it was some good-ass cheese. I used three strips of bacon this time and mild giardiniera. Cooked the egg just a little too long but that turned out to be for the better. I buttered the muffin and didn't drain the giardiniera enough so this got a little sloppy. A runny yolk would have made this a full on mess. This was a very tasty sandwich but could have been refined.
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| #75 - That's the last of my whole milk aged Swiss cheese. I'm feeling melancholy. |
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| #75 - How pretty is that? Yes, that is a kitty cat coffee creamer pourer in the background. |
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| #75 - Nice, but I should have drained the giardiniera a little more. The kitty is waving for your attention. That squash don't give a shit about you though. |
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#76 - bacon, extra sharp cheddar, Sriracha mayo, egg.
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| #76 - Take a little turn on the catwalk sandwich, you're looking fine! |
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| #76 - Oh fuck. That's a hot mess. Also, I need some new plates that are less visually distracting. |
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