Breakfast Sandwich #152 - Lab Report: Lightning Round and Shitty Web Sites

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich - English Muffin, chicken egg, bacon and cheese with spinach.

Date: January 28, 2020

Let's just get right into this with the basic info: Newly Weds King Size Sourdough English Muffin (their web site is clunky but they have some good looking recipes on it if you're into that kind of thing), Usinger's Uncured Bacon (not shown on their site), scrambled chicken egg with some baby spinach mixed in cause I had to use it up, Kraft Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar (linked to some weird wholesale food site cause the Kraft web site is garbage and appears to only list about 2% of their products. That's probably the issue with Kraft - they're so busy gobbling up brands they don't even have time to add them to their site. They probably don't even know what they own anymore. Not cool, Kraft.) and finally Cholula Sweet Habanero Hot Sauce (this is the only site linked here that actually links directly to the product in question). 

This particular lab project was focused on processed cheese and hot sauce. 

When I first considered buying the Deli Deluxe cheese my thought was "this is silly". And it is. Deluxe processed cheese? C'mon. But we can't assume these things and the lab exists for this reason.

We also wanted to test drive the Cholula Sweet Habanero Hot Sauce. Full disclosure - this hot sauce was sent to me by the Cholula people along with a Cholula pajama set. These items were won as part of a contest and were not sent to me because I am America's Breakfast Sandwich Sweetheart, although I am that, obviously. 

I could have centered this on a plain plate and removed the rice cooker but I did none of that.

The Result - The Deli Deluxe Cheese isn't quite as creamy and melty as your good ol' regular processed American cheese but it does have a bit of that cheddar zip. It worked well on this sandwich but ultimately I don't think it's worth the higher price tag. In terms of flavor, I think you'd be better off purchasing your favorite cheddar cheese from a creamery such as Shullsburg Creamery and you'll get way more cheese for your buck. However, it does melt better than real cheddar and you may appreciate that for your sandwich. 

The Sweet Habanero hot sauce was new to me although I've been partial to Cholula brand hot sauces for years. The sweet and the heat hit the tongue immediately but the heat dissipates quickly, which is good for a guy like me. If you're a real heat seeker you might need to douse your sandwich with this to get the burn you crave. For me, it's the perfect amount of heat and not as hot as I expected when I saw "habanero". I still prefer their green or original hot sauce for a breakfast sandwich, but I'll be trying to find the perfect compliment for this flavor.

Finally, I recommend throwing a little spinach into your scrambled eggs. It gives the sandwich some color and all manner of vitamin and mineral. You don't get the runny yolk you get when the chicken egg is fried or whatever but you can do that next time. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #123 - Not A Sandwich. Not A Sandwich. You're The Sandwich!

Sandwich: Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich
Date: August 29, 2018

Sometimes you have to see an idea through to it's natural conclusion just to get it out of your head. That was the case here and it all started when I bought a package of Hebrew National Beef Franks and a carton of eggs on the same day. I looked into my shopping basket and saw them sitting side by side and it occurred to me that they should become intimate with each other, on a bun, and that I was the perfect person to facilitate that.

By the time I executed the plan I had decided to wrap the hot dogs in bacon to make them more breakfasty. The absurdity of wrapping kosher franks in bacon didn't strike me until I was in the act and while there were no rabbi's present I am an ordained minister and I decided that I needed to absolve these franks of their sins. Therefore, I gave them a penance of trial of fire, a temporal punishment of sorts, and sentenced them to purgatory, which in this case was my belly.

And so the lab moved outside for this experiment - at least partly. Never barbecue indoors. It says it right on the bag of Kingsford Charcoal. (Did you know you can review Kingsford briquets on their web site and give them a 1-5 star ranking? "Angelgrillin" gave them one star - "Have to constantly relight. Have to run out multiple times. Keep pering out window". You know how she gets when she has to keep pering out the window? She doesn't like it but she's an angel for Christ's sake so she'll just leave a one star review on the internet and move on.)

Once I decided the dogs were going to be bacon wrapped it really came down to what else was going to be added.

This photo should be on the United States Citizenship test - "Write a 3 paragraph story or poem describing how this makes you feel. 200 word minimum. Attach additional sheets of paper as needed."

The Sandwich - Grilled Bacon-Wrapped All Beef Kosher Hot Dog Breakfast Sandwich. So you've wrapped the dogs in bacon and grilled them. Now what? You have to have cheese and I had slices of American cheese which seemed perfect for this project. Grated sharp cheddar would have worked as well. I should have toasted the buns a bit but I got caught up in making sure I had time to cook the chicken eggs before the dogs got cold.

Speaking of eggs, there is no way these would have worked with a runny yolk. Of course not. Hilarious? Probably. I opted for the practicality of scrambled eggs. When I started contemplating toppings I considered chopped onions but I thought that might get overpowering. Relish? Hell no. I was leaning towards simplicity but had to consider condiments. Mustard didn't seem right with eggs and ketchup struck me as even more preposterous if not downright blasphemous. Hot sauce was the only choice and I selected a homemade blend given to me by a friend. 

I admit that just looks like a stupid mess. 

The Result - Mistakes were made but this was a success never the less. Even if its a sandwich I never revisit these were some mighty tasty dogs. Honestly, the eggs kind of got in the way and tried to fall out with every bite. I also overcooked them a bit - I like my scrambled eggs on the soft side but I went too far. The buns should have been toasted and I thought maybe if the dogs nestled into the buns straight off the grill they would melt the cheese a bit but that didn't happen. None of this detracted from the smokey deliciousness that popped from every bite but I knew I could have done better. It's not easy being a visionary. You think Alexander Graham Bell just woke up one morning and built a HD television? That's not how it works.

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Breakfast Sandwich #115 - TL;DR (Lab Sandwich)

Sandwich - Bacon, Egg, Cheese Spread
Date: 4/6/18

It was Friday morning and I was just going to make myself a simple breakfast sandwich and be done with it but I was struck by a bolt of inspiration and before you know it I had the lab coat and goggles out and there were beakers with colorful smoke pouring out of them and I was doing some bonafide sandwich research. What I mean is that when I was assessing my cheese situation I saw that I had cheese spread and I realized I hadn't tried it on a breakfast sandwich. I've used pimento cheese but not cheese spread. It's only a matter of time before I buy a can of spray cheese and give that a try. If you're not going to click that link regarding spray cheese just know that it contains this line - "Proponents of natural cheese cited this additive when lobbying to have Kraft’s products regulated as “embalmed cheese.” Embalmed cheese. That sounds pretty bad-ass. Cheese spread is probably a step up from spray cheese and with the Owl's Nest you get a gum trifecta - guar, xantham and locust bean. That is quite a blend of thickening agents but the product does have a smooth spreadability so they must know what they're doing.

This is pretty much the look I was going for.

This is the other side of the sandwich. Whatever. 

The Sandwich - bacon, chicken eggs, cheese spread. I already knew I was going to go with a soft scramble for this sandwich. That's been my preferred style lately. When I realized I would be using the cheese spread that's when this took on a more experimental tone that might be worth writing about. (That's debatable). I put a thin layer of cheese spread on both pieces of bread and added a generous splash of green Cholula hot sauce. The eggs turned out exactly as I wanted them.

The Result (TL;DR) - This was a winner. The most valuable data taken from this experiment was that the soft scramble eggs, horseradish cheese spread and green hot sauce combine fantastically - both texturally and flavorfully. This pillow of flavor rested on top of the bacon to create a relatively simple but delicious sandwich.

(The plan was to make this the shortest review yet. Write a brief description and then lay out the results. Throw in a photo and publish it. Simple. Then I started listening to sitar music and that changed everything. Perhaps the theme of this review is that my intentions and plans are malleable and easily thrown off course by processed dairy products and sitars. Things could be worse.)

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