Breakfast Sandwich #153 - Wilson's Bar & Grill aka Sandwich Time Warp

Sandwich: Egg Sandwich
Location: Wilson's Bar & Grill
Date: February 2, 2020
Cost: $4.75

The stats don't lie but I would not have guessed that almost 4 years had passed since my last breakfast sandwich at Wilson's. It's crazy. If that wasn't crazy enough the price of the sandwich hasn't changed over that time either. The menu is different although the breakfast sandwich options remain the same. Wilson's is caught in a time warp and I think that's a good thing.

There are still dozens of televisions and if there is a game/match/contest/battle taking place somewhere in the world they'll probably put it on for you. I'm not sure if they'll change the channel on the monitors above the urinals in the men's room, but you can ask. You should ask. This particular morning was the day of Super Bowl LIV so the most compelling story in sports was broadcasters sticking microphones in front of random faces in Miami and asking them to say anything about the game taking place 8 hours later. I learned nothing.

Classic choices.

A bit of a glorious mess happening here.

The Sandwich - Chicken eggs over medium, bacon, American cheese on wheat toast. This was my standard Wilson's order in the years prior to this blog although I sometimes went with the rye bread.

We happened to be sitting directly across from the grill so the cook himself took our order and I could tell he was a man who takes pride in his work. I'll reiterate what I said in the last review about being able to order your eggs cooked as you like them - the importance of this cannot be overstated. This is a hill that myself and several chickens are willing to die on. Actually, the chickens have no say in the matter. It will not surprise you to learn that the eggs were cooked over medium with runny yolks. The bacon was just a touch crispier than I like it, as was the toast, and the cheese was served with a proper melt. There isn't anything of note to say about this sandwich except that it was a bit haphazardly assembled. You can kind of see it in the photo above. It didn't ruin the sandwich but these little details all come into play when we're looking at the big picture.

The Result - 4 Four Year Hiatuses out of 5 Four Year Hiatuses. The runny yolks offset the bacon and toast and made this a properly sloppy sandwich. Overall it was a solid sandwich but it had room for improvement. That's usually how it goes at Wilson's. I've had better sandwiches there and I've had worse. Not much changes at Wilson's and given how much flux the neighborhood has seen it's comforting to know you can still get a breakfast sandwich here that will point your day in the proper direction. The hash browns are also reliable and the bloody mary is delicious. My neighbor at the bar enjoyed a few whiskey and sodas while I had my sandwich and while that strikes me as a rough choice at 10 am, who am I to judge? His wife was probably at church and he wanted to watch an in-depth profile on Patrick Mahome's favorite wristbands.

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #152 - Lab Report: Lightning Round and Shitty Web Sites

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich - English Muffin, chicken egg, bacon and cheese with spinach.

Date: January 28, 2020

Let's just get right into this with the basic info: Newly Weds King Size Sourdough English Muffin (their web site is clunky but they have some good looking recipes on it if you're into that kind of thing), Usinger's Uncured Bacon (not shown on their site), scrambled chicken egg with some baby spinach mixed in cause I had to use it up, Kraft Deli Deluxe Sharp Cheddar (linked to some weird wholesale food site cause the Kraft web site is garbage and appears to only list about 2% of their products. That's probably the issue with Kraft - they're so busy gobbling up brands they don't even have time to add them to their site. They probably don't even know what they own anymore. Not cool, Kraft.) and finally Cholula Sweet Habanero Hot Sauce (this is the only site linked here that actually links directly to the product in question). 

This particular lab project was focused on processed cheese and hot sauce. 

When I first considered buying the Deli Deluxe cheese my thought was "this is silly". And it is. Deluxe processed cheese? C'mon. But we can't assume these things and the lab exists for this reason.

We also wanted to test drive the Cholula Sweet Habanero Hot Sauce. Full disclosure - this hot sauce was sent to me by the Cholula people along with a Cholula pajama set. These items were won as part of a contest and were not sent to me because I am America's Breakfast Sandwich Sweetheart, although I am that, obviously. 

I could have centered this on a plain plate and removed the rice cooker but I did none of that.

The Result - The Deli Deluxe Cheese isn't quite as creamy and melty as your good ol' regular processed American cheese but it does have a bit of that cheddar zip. It worked well on this sandwich but ultimately I don't think it's worth the higher price tag. In terms of flavor, I think you'd be better off purchasing your favorite cheddar cheese from a creamery such as Shullsburg Creamery and you'll get way more cheese for your buck. However, it does melt better than real cheddar and you may appreciate that for your sandwich. 

The Sweet Habanero hot sauce was new to me although I've been partial to Cholula brand hot sauces for years. The sweet and the heat hit the tongue immediately but the heat dissipates quickly, which is good for a guy like me. If you're a real heat seeker you might need to douse your sandwich with this to get the burn you crave. For me, it's the perfect amount of heat and not as hot as I expected when I saw "habanero". I still prefer their green or original hot sauce for a breakfast sandwich, but I'll be trying to find the perfect compliment for this flavor.

Finally, I recommend throwing a little spinach into your scrambled eggs. It gives the sandwich some color and all manner of vitamin and mineral. You don't get the runny yolk you get when the chicken egg is fried or whatever but you can do that next time. 

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #151 - Tally's Tap & Eatery aka Egg Reassurance

Sandwich: Tally's Sunset Special
Location: Tally's Tap & Eatery
Date: January 12, 2020
Cost: $9

I'd been to Tally's a few times but either hadn't noticed the breakfast sandwich hiding at the bottom of the menu or it was added as part of their recent menu update. I'd like to think they added it specifically because they noticed that I'd been coming in but I know that's not true and I can't convince myself that I'm a sandwich influencer in Waukesha County. Not yet. But let's be honest, Waukesha County could probably use some influencing, sandwich or otherwise.

I was just about to order Breakfast Tacos when I saw the Tally's Sunset Special lurking in the horizontal stripe at the bottom of the menu. Your yolks can run, but they can't hide. This day just took a turn for the better - a breakfast sandwich has come into my life. A surprise breakfast sandwich. Oh, the glory. 

I nearly missed it.

Nice, right?

This photo is a disaster. It looks like I tried to cut my sandwich in half with a ballpoint pen.

The Sandwich - Tally's Sunset Special. The name confuses me as the sandwich is only served during breakfast which is more of a sunrise type of situation - but let's not get sidetracked by that. 

As far as breakfast sandwich meats go, if given the choice, ham is usually not going to make the cut with me. I'm always afraid I'll get some sad deli ham and that's not a proper foundation for a sandwich. But I had no choice on this day. Ham was my destiny and I was OK with it because the menu description started with "Two eggs prepared the way you like" and the importance of this cannot be overstated. Too many places just tell you how they're going to make your chicken egg, or worse, they don't even tell you! You order your sandwich and all of a sudden you're playing egg roulette with a person you've never met. That's a dangerous game and I don't like my odds and frankly, it's inexcusable. The egg is versatile and can be served on a sandwich in a variety of ways and we know you can do it. So, pull it together menu-makers of America. Give us egg variety or give us...death? That seems a bit dramatic but I think you understand my point. Are you with me here, America? If you are not, I cannot in good conscious be your sandwich influencer.

I ordered my eggs over medium and they were done perfectly. You've already seen the yolks so you know this. 

Before I went off on my egg rant I was talking about the ham. It was NOT sad deli ham. I cannot pretend to know the origins of said not-sad ham, but it was not sad. Not at all.

The other part of this sandwich that I liked was that it comes on a grilled asiago focaccia bun. Here was the only misstep of the sandwich. This bun did not appear to have been grilled. It was tasty and it held up throughout the entire process, but it was rather squishy and grilling it would have helped quite a bit and given it hat nice toasty quality. Perhaps the underside was lightly grilled and I couldn't see it on the inside of the sandwich. If so, it merely kissed the grill.

Oh, there was also cheddar cheese. It was lost in the flavors of the ham and the asiago bun, and that's fine.

The Result - 4.30 Egg Temper Tantrums out of 5 Egg Temper Tantrums. This was a somewhat basic sandwich with the added touch of being served on asiago focaccia that may or may not have been lightly grilled. My ham trepidation was unfounded. Being allowed to order my chicken eggs any-damn-way-I-please and then having them arrive exactly as I thought was reassuring. My wish that the bun had been grilled a bit more was only minimally upsetting. I enjoyed this sandwich and the hash browns were fantastic as well.

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #150 - Einstein Bros. Bagels aka Should Have Stayed In Vegas

Sandwich: All-Nighter
Location: Einstein Bros.® Bagels
Date: December 28, 2019
Cost: $6.59

When I heard Einstein Bros.® Bagels had added a new breakfast sandwich to their menu I knew it was time to revisit them and see if things had improved since my last visit in 2015.  Things didn't go very well on that trip so there was a chance for redemption here. At the end of a calendar year, we all can get a bit reflective and redemption is often a by-product of that. Perhaps even your nearby chain bagel shop with hundreds of locations nationwide is worthy of a second chance?

The All-Nighter is their new sandwich, now available nationwide at participating locations. It debuted in Las Vegas with the angle that it offered consolation after a night of indulgences and it proved to be popular enough to expand to the full chain. At least that's how the story goes. It smells like marketing and PR bullshit to me, but who cares? Is the sandwich any good? This is all that matters.

It arrives from the kitchen (the counter, actually) pre-split.

       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For all the potential oozyness this sandwich has, there is a remarkable lack of oozyness.

 

The Sandwich - All-Nighter. Cheesy Hash Brown gourmet bagel with American cheese, bacon, eggs and a jalapeño garlic aioli. So much potential here. Brimming with opportunity. Spoiler alert - that potential is squandered. All of these chain places refuse to make runny eggs and the part-time employees are forced to cook with microwaves so it's hard to have high expectations, but that's what we do here. This sandwich does feature two chicken eggs, and if both of those were runny you'd have a real napkin-grabbing mess on your hands, literally. But wouldn't it be nice? The cheese could have been meltier, the bacon was fine. I'm going to focus on the bagel since they have "bagel" right there in their name. It was smaller and lighter than expected. It's a "Cheesy Hash Brown gourmet bagel", so I assume they mix hash browns right into the bagel, but it just struck me as a regular bagel. If it had more heft it could withstand the amount of sandwich slop I'm picturing in my head. (And let me tell you, this image is VIVID. I'm writing this on Sunday morning and I haven't eaten yet.) Even the jalapeño garlic aioli didn't really make its presence known in terms of flavor. It added some needed viscosity, but that was about it. 

The Result - 3.66 Things That Don't Always Stay In Vegas out of 5 Things That Don't Always Stay In Vegas. This isn't a bad sandwich but in the hands of a proper restaurant, it would be so much more. You know what it is? This is a $4.29 sandwich masquerading as a $6.59 sandwich. Every component of this sandwich left something to be desired and in the end, I was no longer hungry, but I was emotionally unsated. The hot chocolate I ordered helped with that. It usually does.

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #149 - Lab Report: Pick a Peck of Pepper Cheese

Sandwich: Lab Sandwich - English Muffin, chicken egg (puck style), bacon and two types of pepper cheese

Date: December 10, 2019

A brief report from the lab due to the fact that I had two kinds of pepper cheese and was awake far too early on a Tuesday morning. 

The cheeses in question are Crystal Farms Cracked Black Pepper White Cheddar and Sartori Black Pepper Bellavitano. The English Muffin was a Newly Weds Foods Sourdough (King Size). Note that the Newly Wed Foods site has some amazing "Breakfast Sandwich Concepts" recipes if you're looking for inspiration beyond the scope of my admittedly limited cooking skills. "Fried Onion Ring, Sausage Patty with Poached Egg (and Goat Cheese)"? Yowza!

This was a simple construct - I put one cheese on the top half and one on the bottom half and toasted the muffin. Honestly, it could have been toastier but that's how it went down. Add bacon and chicken egg and some Cholula hot sauce (just in case there wasn't enough pepper flavor), and *BOOM* - Tuesday morning breakfast sandwich.

 

The photos don't lie.

The Result - Was it too peppery? No! Was adding Cholula Hot Sauce overkill? No! Was this an amazing way to start a Tuesday? Yes! Does anybody care? HELL NO!

What did we learn here, if anything? I think the big takeaway is that is you have trouble sleeping and are awake at 5 am for no reason you should consider making a tasty breakfast sandwich. 

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #148 - Berry Pike Cafe aka Something, Something in Evanston

Sandwich: Rhonda On The Fly
Location: Berry Pike Cafe
Date: November 17, 2019
Cost: $7

What are you going to do if you're in Chicago and you need a quick breakfast sandwich but the best place is closed on Sunday and you really should get on the road?

You just might grab a coffee and drive to Evanston while you ponder your situation, eventually landing on a place called Berry Pike Cafe that has a sandwich named the "Marcellus Wallace" (even if you know you aren't going to order that sandwich).

Enticing options.

As far as crappy photos go, this one is much less crappy.

 

That cup of coffee in the background was pretty damn tasty. I didn't take a crosssection shot cause I didn't want to cut it in half cause there was no yolk to see.

The Sandwich - Rhonda On The Fly. I wanted sausage and the pepper jack cheese sounded like a good option. Normally it's served on a plain bagel but I swapped that for an Everything bagel. I was pretty excited about this. Even though I knew it wouldn't be served with a runny yolk I was still a bit disappointed when presented with the visual evidence. I added some hot sauce, I guess I was really, really ready for a trip to flavor country this morning. That didn't happen. Somehow this sandwich just didn't have the verve I was looking for. It had all the components but they just didn't add up. The sausage didn't pack enough taste-power to cut through the other flavors and even the pepper jack cheese and hot sauce didn't flex enough. Maybe my taste buds were all whacked out this day cause it almost doesn't make sense. The cheese was nice and melty though. The bagel could have been toasted more. This all sounds rather negative and it probably shouldn't as the sandwich was, "fine". I think my expectations were a bit high as I was prepared for a tasty treat and it didn't hit me how I wanted it to. Also, I was on a mini-vacation and everything is better on vacation, right? 

The Result - 3.33 That's The Way It Goes out of 5 That's The Way It Goes. There isn't much more to say that hasn't already been covered. The sandwich was OK but my expectations were above that. Perhaps it's due to my last trip to Chicago which resulted in the only 5.00 rated breakfast sandwich thus far. The coffee was really good and this little succulent plant in the window was simply adorable.

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page

Breakfast Sandwich #147 - Dunkin' Donuts aka Beyond Reviews and Puppet Shows

Sandwich: Beyond Sausage Sandwich
Location: Dunkin' Donuts
Date: November 15, 2019
Cost: $3.99

Earlier in the week I was thinking that if I was any kind of cutting edge breakfast sandwich reporter I would be writing about this new fake meat sandwich that Dunkin Donuts now offers. It has the entire fast-food press pool vibrating with excitement. Sandwich based reporters from all corners of the country have been lighting up our Slack app with their musings. I had wished I was joining in but the Dunkin Donuts in my city are not near me and it would be silly to drive all around the town just to eat a Dunkin Donuts sandwich. The last time I had one it didn't go so well.

But I was intrigued. And then I realized my Friday commitments would take me within striking distance of a Dunkin' Donuts.

Before I get into the sandwich I need to touch on a few points.

Through our work in the lab and in the field, we have proven that it's possible to make an excellent breakfast sandwich without killing some animals. (What about the chicken egg? Huh? Blah-blah-fucking-blah...NO!) The secret to a great vegetarian breakfast sandwich is avocado. We know this. Is fake meat really necessary? I doubt it, but I had to find out firsthand. My point is that I wanted to try the "Beyond Meat" sandwich even though my gut tells me that fake meat is a scam put out by "Big Vegetable". That's right - it's a conspiracy. Wake up, people.

More importantly, I have to question why Snoop Dogg was chosen to help launch the Beyond Meat sandwich line. My initial thought when I heard that was "you gotta be higher than fuck to eat one of these sandwiches" cause that's what we associate Snoop Dogg with. Well, that and narrating animal videos. I guess he's a vegetarian now though and Dunkin is clearly all-in on trying to reach that crucial but elusive Gen Zinneal™ breakfast consumer. They're a fickle demographic.

This is it, the lone photo. I went to the drive-thru and took this after turning the car around so the sun would come in the window for better lighting.

The Sandwich - Beyond Sausage Sandwich. The only choice is American or White Cheddar cheese. I went with the American to make it more like a classic breakfast sandwich. Let's get right to the fake meat part - the patty size is ample. It looks good. It didn't have as much smell as I thought it would, usually these things immediately fill the car with their scent. The first taste that hits is black pepper, overwhelmingly so. I expected more fennel and salt but not so much. The flavor dissipates quickly after the bite, it doesn't linger on the tongue long. I'm not sure if we can blame that on the lack of a dead animal or something else. The consistency is a bit smoother than actual sausage and all these factors give it away as an imposter. If you were served this and nobody told you what it was but they kept looking at you funny while you ate it you'd think maybe they had snuck in some turkey sausage or tempe or soyage. You'd know they were up to something. Everything else is pretty standard fast-food breakfast sandwich quality - melty cheese, decently toasted English Muffin, puck egg with no runny yolk because once upon a time somebody ate an undercooked egg and thought they got sick. All the normal things you expect when somebody hands you a sandwich through a little window and directly into your car. By the way, here's a free idea for a place with a drive-thru window - put up some cute little curtains and have the employees do a little puppet show while consumers wait for their food. Get rid of that faceless speaker - people can order directly from the puppet(s). Bingo. Please send me my check for $1,000,000.00. Thank you.

The Result - 3.25 Ethically Treated Puppets out of 5 Ethically Treated Puppets. This sandwich was leaps and bounds better than sandwich #21 from Dunkin which contained actual bacon. That counts for something. Overall, the sandwich was fine. For $4 and given the circumstances, it was perfectly acceptable. If you're a vegetarian, tack on a few extra points. Yes, you'd be better off getting a sandwich from an actual restaurant - something with avocado and delicious cheese and a runny yolk. You'd prefer that. We'd all prefer that. If you're stuck in a position of limited options the Beyond Sausage Sandwich will suit you well. Will it last as a nationwide offering? Will enough people order it to keep it on the menu? The product itself probably has a much longer shelf life than meat. These places shake up their menus all the time so I won't be surprised if this falls off in 8 months after Snoop Doog has gone back to eating juicy ribeye steaks.

Instagram
Twitter
Facebook page