Breakfast Sandwich #114 - Kwik Trip aka Spelling Counts

Sandwich: Egg White, Ham and Cheese Muffin
Location: Kwik Trip (formerly a PDQ), Stoughton Road.
Date: March 10, 2018
Cost: $2.69

My previous review of Kwik Trip happened by accident - I was on a road trip with some folks and we pulled over for gas and snacks and I snapped into sandwich reviewer mode and #94 happened. This is how it goes when you are America's Premier Breakfast Sandwich Reviewer™ (Which as of this moment I have proclaimed myself as. I'm willing to abdicate this title to a worthy individual but I will need proof. Articles such as "The Sausage McMuffin/Big Mac Sandwich Hack You Have To Try" will not be accepted as evidence and will likely cause me to want to punch you in the bacon bits. I would never do that, of course, but I'll consider it momentarily.) Anyway, this visit was much more deliberate - I had things to do on a Saturday morning and this new Kwik Trip (formerly a PDQ) was on my route and I wanted to check in and see what they could offer the Madison Breakfast Sandwich Market. This is the type of information that you, the consumer, expects from America's Premier Breakfast Sandwich Reviewer™.

Is anybody else getting tired of all these intentionally misspelled brands? It was fine for awhile but now that it's standard for people to send you a message that says "K CU L8R" I think we've gone too far. Elon Musk should be airdropping pocket sized dictionaries all across this country rather than selling crappy flamethrowers and launching cars into space. I know I sound like Grampa Simpson but in my day we spelled words correctly and we wrote them in cursive and we made our own molotov cocktails and when we dreamed of space cars they didn't have wheels and weren't attached to rockets WHICH IS TOTALLY CHEATING AND DEFEATS THE PURPOSE.

Excuse me. Let me tell you about this sandwich. Here are some photos that will help calm me down. I'm sorry I made a joke about punching people in the bacon bits. I don't even know what that means.

Note - this was a Saturday morning. During the work week there are at least three times the sandwiches on display.

What is there to say about this other then I can already tell that muffin should be toasted more.

The plastic cutlery did a really swell job of slicing this open to reveal exactly what I thought I would see.

The Sandwich - Egg White, Ham & Cheese Muffin. If you look at the photo of the hot case above you'll see that the slot for this sandwich is empty. I took the photo and grabbed a Sausage, Egg & Cheese Muffin and right after that Hairneted Sandwich Chef Lady brought out a new batch of sandwiches. I opted to alter my selection in the name of freshness. I already mentioned the muffin, which needed more toasting. This would have made a big difference as the whole sandwich had a rubbery consistency that I wasn't appreciating. Other than that it tasted exactly how you think. The American cheese was melted, that ham was of a standard deli quality and the egg white was just fine. I think this may be the first egg white sandwich I've ordered which means I don't get to complain about not having a runny yolk. I really missed that yolk. Additional toasting and a runny yolk (which would never happen in this situation) would have made a big difference here but you play (eat) the hand (sandwich) you're dealt (foolishly choose from the hot case).

The Result - 2.19 That's No Yolks out of 5 That's No Yolks. This is a $2.19 sandwich masquerading as a $2.69 sandwich. You might be thinking "that's only 50 cents", and it is, but in the world of grab & go breakfast sandwiches that is the sweet spot and the consumer has several options under $3. There are many factors that might lead to somebody buying a Kwik Trip sandwich - convenience being the most likely. My ranking here is weighted more towards what other choices people have rather than my just my personal preference. Honestly, this sandwich was fine for what it was although it's unlikely I would seek one out for enjoyment rather than research and reporting. I'm well aware that I have loftier expectations than most consumers. I do think the coffee that PDQ carried at this location was better than the Karuba they now carry as a Kwik Trip. 

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Breakfast (For Dinner) Sandwiches #113A & 113B - These Sandwiches Have a Name

Sandwiches - Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit with Arugula and Dijon Mustard
Date: 3/2/18

Earlier this week I joked on a group text about bringing breakfast sandwiches to an event and one of the participants asked for "bacon & cheese biscuit, egg over-medium, with arugula and dijon". Oddly enough I already had all of those items in my fridge so I made a plan to do some work in the lab. Friday I would have breakfast for dinner. How exciting!

Of all the sandwiches I've made in the lab this is the first using biscuits which I now realize has been a horrible oversight. My excuse is that I don't usually keep biscuits around the house, but, I had some leftover from a meal earlier in the week and the lab is for exploring and in this case, filling a blank area on my sandwich palette. To be clear they were the refrigerated kind, I didn't actually bake biscuits. I've always had a affinity for Poppin' Fresh (The Pillsbury Doughboy) and I even had a t-shirt with him on it when I was younger and that's no joke. Poppin' Fresh turns 53 years old in just a couple of weeks - the day after St. Patricks Day! That ticklish little bastard is probably due for a makeover at this point and with a name like Poppin' Fresh I think he's got a bright future as a heavily autotuned rap singer. I want to be in his band and I'm going to tweet this at them as soon as I'm done here and that also is no joke. This is serious stuff.

Biscuits make for pretty pictures.

It was so tasty I had to make another.

The Sandwich - Bacon & Cheese Biscuit, Chicken Egg Over-Medium, with Arugula and Dijon. I took it as a sign when I had all items on hand so I did not stray from the recipe - even on the second sandwich. The one detail that I would have changed is to use an American Single for the cheese, which I didn't have. I used Stone Ridge Marble Cheese - a combo of monterey jack and colby which melted better than I thought it would. You can't tell from the photo but I broke the yolk on the second sandwich trying to fish out a large chunk of shell. As a result there was no runny yolk but I managed to eat it anyway. You can see I cooked the eggs using the puck method. It just makes sense when you're dealing with a round bread such as a biscuit.

The Result - This was a winning combo, indeed. The dijon adds a proper spiciness and blends with the peppery arugula. That, combined with the bacon more than atoned for the somewhat bland cheese choice. The biscuits held up admirably and were perhaps just a little too dense. They weren't as flaky as Pillsbury would have you think and they're a touch on the sweet side. They didn't crumble though and that's crucial. I have dubbed this sandwich the McEvan, named after the original requester. This is what it will be called at my all day breakfast sandwich restaurant that I will never open cause I'll be too busy playing bass on tour with Poppin' Fresh. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #112 - Stalzy's aka Fundamentally Speaking

Sandwich: Breakfast Sandwich
Location: Stalzy's Deli & Bakery
Date: February 17, 2018
Cost: $7.50

I reviewed Stalzy's in August of 2015 and I hadn't been back for breakfast since. During that visit I ordered The Brooklyn and I recall thinking it was tremendous but sandwich related duties had kept me from making it back there until now. It didn't feel like two and half years since my initial visit but the sandwich industry waits for no man and I was excited to return and try something else.

In keeping with protocol I have not read my previous Stalzy's review so as not to influence my ranking in this review. The other side of that coin is that there is a good chance I'll repeat myself but let's not kid each other - nobody remembers what I wrote two and a half years ago and you're not going to go back and read it now. You're probably not even going to read this. 

I was nearly swayed by that Pork Breakfast Sandwich but decided to go with the standard and a promise to myself to get back there relatively soon to try the other.

It arrived jauntily propped across itself with a rakish pool of yolk peering from underneath.

The Sandwich - Breakfast Sandwich. The only choices offered on the menu are the meats but I suspect they would cook the chicken egg however you like and substitute the bread for other options they have on hand. I was in the mood for bacon so that was an easy choice. The classics will never fail you. At no time was I tempted to try the bologna although that would have been a first for these pages. I don't consider bologna a breakfast meat but I'm wondering how much of a difference there is between bologna and pork roll, the breakfast staple of the east coast. That's a discussion for another time and sandwich. The execution of this sandwich was nearly flawless with the egg cooked just how I like it and the American cheese and mayo combining into a fantasticated viscousness. Truth be told the sandwich might not need the mayonnaise but it worked for me. The bread was toasted to the level required for a sandwich of this nature - anything less and it would risk falling apart. The bacon was just a touch crispier than I like it but I'm quibbling about minor details at this point. Ultimately this is a solid, basic breakfast sandwich with the mayo being the the only deviation from the classic BEC model. Sometimes it's all about the fundamentals.

The Result - 4.48 Bacon Fundamentals out of 5 Bacon Fundamentals. As Vince Lombardi might have said, "Gentlemen, this is a sandwich." I think I've covered all the details I need to with this sandwich. It was everything I wanted a breakfast sandwich to be on that morning. Some days you want ginger aioli and arugula and house made kangaroo sausage and other days you want the classics. I also heartily recommend the potato pancakes. I don't know if they make the jams/jellies in house but they are fantastic as well.

I just dipped back into my review from August of 2015 (Sandwich #34) and I concluded that review with "I may make it back to try the classic breakfast sandwich at some point." I'm slow but I'm a man of my word.


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Breakfast Sandwich #111 - Green Forest Family Restaurant aka Partying With A Pony

Sandwich: Sausage & 2 Egg Sandwich
Location: Green Forest Family Restaurant
Date: February 3, 2018
Cost: $5.99

I know nothing of the Green Forest Family Restaurant. I'd passed by it before on my way to wherever and it stuck in my mind as a place that would probably have a breakfast sandwich and it was added to the list. The list has long been exhausted and abandoned but on this Saturday morning I had to make a run out to the Dane County Landfill/Clean Sweep and I had some time to kill so I began hunting and gathering for a breakfast sandwich.

Speaking of garbage, my first thought was the Arby's out by the Dutch Mill Park & Ride. I actually pulled into the lot and did a quick search to determine if Arby's has breakfast sandwiches. At this point the sacrifices I make for this endeavor should be readily apparent. I didn't want to eat at Arby's. I searched for it anyway and when I saw this story I decided that was good enough for me. I didn't actually go inside to look at the menu because I didn't want to find out if they had launched a nationwide breakfast menu. It was fine with me if the only Arby's serving breakfast is in Manhattan which makes no sense at all but was true as of January 2016. There was a brief moment where I envisioned eating an Arby's breakfast sandwich in my pickup truck in the Park & Ride parking lot and it was going to be the saddest sandwich review ever and probably Pulitzer worthy and perhaps my ticket to sandwich fan fiction stardom. It was not meant to be. 

I left the Park & Ride relieved, but unsated. The nearby Denny's was unworthy of consideration. I know everything I need to know about Denny's. The Green Forest was the obvious choice. 

Before I went inside I did a quick search to make sure I could get a breakfast sandwich. Confirmed. I also learned that there is a pony who likes to party. 

That sounds like a fun pony. Honestly, when I consider animals that would be fun to have at a party a pony is pretty far down the list. Aside from the obvious kittens and puppies I'd rather party with a sloth, capybara, baby goats, raccoons or piglets. That's just off the top of my head. Hell, a Komodo dragon would be way more fun than a pony assuming you have some ducklings or something to feed it. What? No. This is getting a little too dark. You see what driving past an Arby's and Denny's does to my head? This isn't even funny anymore. 

I took a seat at the diner-style counter and ordered a breakfast sandwich.

They have options.

Bonus pickle and flowery plate.

Cross section. Note jams and jellies in the background. This will be important later. 

The Sandwich - Sausage & 2 Egg Sandwich. I inquired about the bread choices and she explained they can also serve them on whole wheat or white bread, or toast. I was feeling All American at this point, probably due to the partying pony, so I went with sausage on white toast. No wheat toast today, thank you. They don't offer choices on how you want your eggs cooked, or choice of cheese, which is a shame. The sandwich arrived in short order and just as it did a man who I believe to be the proprietor sat down next to me. The woman on the other side of the counter I assumed to be his wife. This really is a family restaurant. He asked me how my breakfast was and we somehow ended up talking about electric cars and other random topics. He had some gyro slices on bread and he asked the waitress for some of the jelly that was in front of me. This lead to an odd exchange.

"You put jelly on your gyro?"

"I'm a jelly guy."

He sure was. Strawberry jelly, to be precise. I believe he is Greek and if a Greek wants to put jelly on his gyro who am I to question it? As a point of clarification I'd like to say that there were not onions, tomatoes or tzatziki sauce on the gyro meat. Mixing jelly with that would be gross. 

There isn't much to say about my sandwich. My interaction with my new dining companion was far more interesting, which I guess tells you something about the sandwich. Truth be told, the sandwich was kind of sad. Take a look at it. It was as basic as it looks, the sausage wasn't particularly flavorful, the egg was not cooked how I like it and the cheese was overly melted. The white toast was OK though! 

The Result - 3.01 Partying Ponies out of 5 Partying Ponies. If you recall the start of this project you know that the mission is to see how a breakfast sandwich can influence your day. In this case it was the entire interaction surrounding the sandwich which made for an enlivened and invigorating meal. The sandwich was but a footnote, and not much of one at that. So, the result you see above is the ranking for the experience as a whole. It would seem the breakfast sandwiches are not the forte at the Green Forest, and that's OK. I love that there is a family restaurant somewhat tucked off the beaten path that is making a go of it right down the road from a Denny's. While I may never again eat a breakfast sandwich at Green Forest I know for a fact that when I get that Pulitzer I'm having a big party with all you people and a pony and probably a sloth. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #110 - Crema Cafe aka Color Palettes For Your Mouth

Sandwich: Ham and Jam
Location: Crema Cafe
Date: January 21, 2018
Cost: $8.50

It had been well over two years (and 90 sandwiches) since my last official visit to Crema Cafe. Given my love of the smoked gouda grits and The Gobbler sandwich there is no reasonable explanation for this gap in my attendance. During that time I've choked down at least two dozen sub-par fast food sandwiches, all in the name of the Sandwich Sciences.

On my previous visit I had their standard Breakfast Sandwich and it was everything you'd hope for in a breakfast sandwich. They occasionally have breakfast sandwich specials on the weekends which is reason enough to be on their email list but I'm often not able to make it there to try their creations. The War Pig is/was one of those specials but I'm not sure if they still offer it. If not, you can get it at Off Broadway Drafthouse.

My point is that I had completely forgotten that they have another breakfast sandwich offering that I had intended to try. In fact, I didn't realize it until I was standing in line looking at the menu. Such is the nature of my planning for this blog which sometimes resembles Pac-Man - random left and right turns, gobbling whatever is in the path.

The fact that I remembered to snap a photo of the menu is a win.

The sandwich arrives already sliced so rather than a photo of it whole we have two angles of the diagonal dissection. 

The sandwich insisted that it's left side is it's "good side".

The Sandwich - Ham and Jam Sandwich. No variations are offered upon ordering. The first thing you notice when this is delivered is that it is a handsome sandwich. It's been carefully assembled and the color palette of pinks, greens, yellows, tan and white is very inviting. It's said that "We eat first with our eyes" and while that sounds unbelievably pretentious the phrase apparently dates back to Apicius in the 1st century AD. These days Apicius would have 1 million Instagram followers which would have proven his point. Another gem from that link - "It has been suggested that trichromatic colour vision may originally have developed in primates as an adaptation that facilitated the selection of more energy-rich (and likely red) fruits from in-amongst the dark green forest canopy". I can't wait to drop that line at a dinner party and then listen for somebody to mutter "what an asshole" under their breath. Anyway, the tomato jam and the goat cheese are the predominant flavors here. The egg is fried with no runny yolk so the cheese and jam carry the load on the viscosity front. This sandwich could actually stand to be messier and the bread is hearty enough to handle it. The red onion was more subtle than expected as was the saltiness of the ham. The greens add a bit of crispness and nutrition in addition to expanding the color palette.

The Result - 4.11 Eyeball Mouths out of 5 Eyeball Mouths. So, what's the "411" on this sandwich? It's an excellent sandwich unlike any other in this area and I appreciate an inventive breakfast sandwich.  Ultimately though, this sandwich doesn't quite hit the mark with me. It's a bit sweeter than anticipated and I kept thinking of little tweaks that I would have made to improve it for my tastes. More tomato jam, a bit less goat cheese, a runny egg. My dining companion suggested replacing the greens with arugula and I do think that would be good. I wondered if a light dollop of hot sauce would be good on this. I suspect you'd have to find just the right hot sauce to blend with the unique flavors going on here, and then you'd be in business. I'm well aware that I'm nit-picking but it's because I'm judging Crema Cafe against it's own high standards. Have you had The Gobbler? It's one of the best sandwiches in Madison. In the end, I think it's perfectly acceptable to realize the excellence of a sandwich while also noting that it may not be perfectly aimed at your tastebuds. For me, that's what is happening here. 

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The Whole Damn 2017 Year End List

Looking back at the breakfast sandwiches of 2017 there are two clear trends - Non-Sandwich Breakfast Sandwiches and Sandwiches From The Lab.

It is no surprise that several non-sandwiches made the list. I was planning to explore more non-sandwich territory for the sake of breakfast diversity and to deliver informative and compelling content. At least the first part happened.

Lab Sandwiches play an important role in expanding our perception of the possibilities that lie outside our homes. When we step into a restaurant we may be looking for the familiar or we may be looking to be surprised and amazed. Lab Sandwiches can refine our appreciation for a simple bacon, egg and cheese and they can push our expectations of what a breakfast sandwich can be. The Lab exists for these reasons. Also, some days it's just nice to make a delicious sandwich in your own kitchen. This continues to not be a cooking blog. 

Another statistic that is a bit alarming is that my breakfast sandwich consumption is trending downward:

2015 - 49

2016 - 31

2017 - 28

At this rate in about 9 years I'll only have one sandwich worth writing about. 

Looking at these trends, let's break down the year in two sections.

Sandwiches (and Non-Sandwiches) In The Wild

4.80 - Porter

4.70 - La Taguara (Breakfast Arepa)

4.61 - Stella Blu Cafe (Panini)

4.57 - Tavernakaya (Buns)

4.50 - Players

3.965 - Dobhan

3.85 - Field Table

3.18 - Ian's Pizza (Breakfast Pizza)

3.09 - McDonalds

3.00 - Norske Nook (Lefse Wrap)

2.79 - Ian's Pizza (Breakfast Pizza)

2.75 - Starbucks

2.75 - Bagels Forever

2.69 - Kwik Trip

2.60 - McDonalds

2.00 - Panera

1.89 - Bob Evans

1.43 - McDonalds

1.22 - Special K Flatbread Sandwich

The average rating in 2017 was 3.18, a drastic drop from 2016 (4.02) and 2015 (3.59). I chalk this up to a much higher percentage of fast food and processed food sandwiches. Sadly, this means I ate a lot of bad sandwiches in 2017 although perhaps the Lab Sandwiches would balance this out if they were rated. 

Lab Sandwiches

Experimentation was the unstated (and perhaps redundant) theme in the lab in 2017 with several ingredients getting a close look under the Sandwichscope. Thanksgiving leftovers, pimento cheese, mac 'n cheese and summer sausage all proved to be viable sandwich ingredients. There was also a lot of quality ham to work with last year. Both Neuske's and Honeybaked Ham provided the basis for tasty explorations. We also did our first work with farm fresh eggs in 2017. I still do not want to own any chickens and this still isn't a cooking blog. 

So now what? 2018 is off to a strong start. I think (hope?) I'm pretty much done with fast food sandwiches and although I compiled all of those into a single post I did go back to McDonalds one more time after that. There are some new spots in Madison I want to visit as well as some previously reviewed locations that have additional offerings I should take a look at. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #109 - Players Sports Bar aka Perfect Timing

Sandwich: The Buzzy Sandwich with Burger Patty
Location: Players Sports Bar & Grill
Date: January 1, 2018
Cost: $8.25

You probably already know that a Buzzy Sandwich at Players Sports Bar was Sandwich #1 and that's how this whole thing got started and now three full calendar years later we're still here eating breakfast sandwiches. Praise Cheeses!

It seemed appropriate that I get back to my roots and go to Players on New Years Day to have a Buzzy Sandwich and reflect on auld sandwiches and look forward to new sandwiches and developments for 2018. I have a few ideas but I have more ideas than time and honestly I don't think many of you give a rats ass if I expand this thing anyway.

The visit to Players wasn't just idle nostalgia though - at some point over the past three years they started offering The Buzzy with a burger patty rather than sausage and I had not yet reviewed that. I have been back to Players since the introductory sandwich, Sandwich #69 (when sausage was still available), and Sandwich #100 (burger patty now available), but I had not had the burger patty. This is to say that there was research to do.

Might as well start the year with a terrible photo. I have a reputation to uphold.

Aerial view. I only cared about the sandwich so I just went with the chips but the chips are stupid. Look at that toast though. Beautiful.

Breakfast Sandwich Medium Rare.

The Sandwich - Buzzy Sandwich with Burger Patty. They ask you how you would like the burger cooked but that's the only variable. I'm sure they would switch out the cheese if requested but I'm good with the American. Normally I would say this egg was cooked more than I like but with the gooey American cheese and medium rare patty it balanced out. The Texas Toast was done perfectly and held all this together, it always seems like the ideal vehicle for this sandwich. This is a serious sandwich, the burger patty has considerably more heft than bacon and I was glad I was eating this as lunch rather than breakfast.

Everything about being at Players on New Years Day felt right. The sandwich was delicious and I think starting the year where Sandwich #1 launched this foolish endeavor was the right call. I was sated and happy and that's when I realized that Mr. Buzzy himself had arrived and was standing behind me. Mr. Buzzy is the namesake for The Buzzy Sandwich and the closest thing to royalty you might find at Players. Read about Sandwich #100 for the background on this situation. This was clearly a sign from beyond our known reality and I took the opportunity to introduce myself. I asked him which version of The Buzzy is his favorite and he said they're all good. I pictured him as a bacon man but I can understand him not wanting to play favorites with his sandwich. Everybody knows that parents with multiple children have a favorite child but they'll never admit it. I think that was the case here and that's acceptable from where I stand. There were many more questions I wanted to ask but somebody was surrendering their bar stool so he could sit down and I didn't want to be the guy who kept asking dumb questions when all he really wanted was a cold beer.

The Result - 4.18 Signs From The Sandwich Dimension out of 5 Signs From The Sandwich Dimension. All said, this is a very good sandwich but it doesn't feel like a breakfast sandwich. It feels like a burger with an egg on it (which it is). It was a bit too much for me even though I ate it at about 1:00 pm so it can't count as breakfast. Truth be told it was actually breakfast and lunch for me but it certainly wasn't "brunch" because nobody talks about "brunch" at Players. Next time (January 1, 2019?) I'll get the bacon, just how I imagine Mr. Buzzy would.

As I got up to leave and was putting my jacket on Mr. Buzzy turned from his barstool and said "keep eating those sandwiches" and gave me a fist bump. It's going to be a good year. 

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