Breakfast Sandwich #91 - Farm Fresh Double-Decker Homemade Jobber

Sandwich #91: Bacon, American cheese, farm fresh chicken eggs, red pepper spread, Bay's multi-grain English Muffin
Location: The Laboratory
Date: May 9, 2017

I'M SORRY I REALLY AM!

I had no intention of reporting on any research from the lab but the invisible forces that control the sandwich universe had other ideas. In other words, somebody gave me some eggs. This came hot on the heels of Sandwiches #89 and #90 which were developed based on hot tips given to me by various lovers of sandwiches. Together, we are advancing the sandwich arts and for this we should all be proud.

A longtime reader, and provider of Sandwich #6, has moved to the country and is the keeper of a brood of hens. He contacted me the other day to see if I wanted some eggs for an upcoming sandwich review. (This somewhat answers a question that has been bothering me - what do those chicken people do with all those fucking eggs?) I accepted those eggs, naturally, and here we are.

Fresh from the farm. I knew right away I was going to cook up that green martian egg.

I felt that if I was going to go back into the lab and poop out another review of a homemade sandwich I needed an angle besides "farm fresh eggs". All I came up with was making a double-decker which would use up two eggs and two slices of American cheese. Admittedly, this is a rather weak excuse for denying you people a review of a real sandwich from a real restaurant. The controller of the Sandwich Universe doesn't care about your feelings right now so here we are.

The Sandwich - Usinger's bacon, American cheese, farm fresh chicken eggs, red pepper spread, Bay's multi-grain English Muffin. First, I want to point out that these eggs came from actual farm chickens, not some of those punk-ass city chickens that live on Jennifer Street and have a Bernie 2016 sticker on their coop. I was sure this would affect the flavor. (It did not.) I succeeded in cooking the eggs over medium so there would be plenty of yolky ooze. I did not use the Mason jar lid cooking method. The blueprint for this sandwich was simple: toasted muffin base, egg, slice of cheese, bacon, egg, slice of cheese, toasted muffin top with red pepper spread. I thought the eggs were just right and when I cut it in half on the cutting board I had my proof. Luckily I was able to easily transfer all that yolk over to my plate.

Fear not - the cheese did melt some more.

Double your eggs, double your yolk.

The Result - It was delicious but maybe just a little too much. American cheese is tasty and it melts beautifully but two slices paired with the eggs was a little thick on the tongue. The red pepper spread was added in the hope that it would help combat this but it wasn't enough. This sandwich could have used something vinegary to help break it down - pickle slices or giardiniera would have been good. I had plenty of yolk to mop up with the muffin and that was wonderful. I only went with a single layer of bacon so this whole thing wouldn't get entirely out of control. I think that was a wise choice. 

And that is that. I would like to promise you a review of a sandwich from a local establishment but I'm afraid it is out of my hands. I have resigned myself to play whatever cards the Sandwich Gods deal me. If you want to read a review of a sandwich from a restaurant I suggest you pray that the winds guide me there. Pray hard. Pray like a motherfucker. If you want to read reviews of homemade sandwiches (you don't), suggest a fresh angle or come over to my house and slaughter a hog and we'll make some fresh pork belly breakfast sandwiches. The neighbors won't like that but maybe we can make them a sandwich. They're nice people. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #72 - A Homemade Jobber aka I Plead The Fifth

Sandwich: Bacon, Kale, Egg & Swiss
Location: Top Secret Laboratory
Date: November 20, 2016
Cost: It would be rude to ask

I haven't reviewed a homemade sandwich since February 2015 and that was one of only a handful of homemade reviews, all of which took place in January and February of that year.

Sandwiches #2, #3, #4 and #10 were all the result of work in the lab.

It's already been determined that nobody gives a rat's ass about my homemade sandwiches but I do count them towards the overall tally (which was 52 but is now 100, for some reason) so they need to be recorded. The folks in the Consumables Division at the Smithsonian were very clear about this.

Lack of public interest aside, these homemade sandwich reviews are valuable for two reasons. #A, you can see the framework with which I judge other sandwiches. #B, you can mock my culinary skills, which if inspected closely might lead you to believe that I was taught to cook by a chef with two left hands.

The reason that this sandwich came to be was because I went shopping for Thanksgiving and while putting the chicken eggs away I realized I had everything needed for an experiment. Serendipitous! It occurred to me that I hadn't been in the lab for some time and so I set to work on my fifth sandwich.

You have to admit that this looks pretty good.

We have a little yolk action here.

The Sandwich - Brownberry 12 Grain Bread, StoneRidge Pit Smoked Bacon, Deppeler's Aged Whole Milk Swiss (the link shows a partially skimmed milk version), Kale, Egg. I baked the bacon in the oven and used some of the grease to cook the kale. I think I used too much, the kale was a little greasy. The egg was just a tiny bit overcooked but had some runny yolk. The cheese wasn't as melty as I would have liked it but this Swiss is so tasty it almost didn't matter. It was slightly gooey so not a complete failure. The bread was toasted perfectly (with lots of butter) and the bacon was crisp. The StoneRidge bacon was good for this sandwich, slightly smokey, not too slaty, and thick cut so it brings some heft. This was a mostly impressive sandwich and made me wonder why I've only made 5 sandwiches over the course of 72.

The Result - 4.3 Homemade Sandwiches out of 5 Homemade Sandwiches. The devil is in the details. The flavor was there on this one but I was just a little off on the cheese, egg and kale. It was still a fantastic sandwich and I might have rated it higher if it had been served to me in a local establishment. That's assuming it didn't come with a $14 price tag and a side of foraged quinoa with fluffed artichoke foam and seaweed vapor. As it was it came with a side of messy kitchen and a touch of pride.

WARNING - If I can get my hands on a turkey egg there may be some work done in the lab that involves Thanksgiving leftovers made into a post-Thanks breakfast sandwich. I'm not sure I'll be able to find one, and I don't intend to work very hard at it, but it strikes me as a lab worthy endeavor. I could use chicken egg but it wouldn't be as much fun. 

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