Saturday, July 18, 2015

Breakfast Sandwich #30 - Burger King aka You're Livin' In The Past, Man

Sandwich: Bacon, Sausage, Egg & Cheese
Location: Burger King (East Washington Ave.)
Date: July 17, 2015
Cost: $3.79

What is there to say about Burger King? After "Have It Your Way" it's all downhill. To be fair, that commercial set the bar pretty damn high. Right out of the gate it's a gem - a short drum fill to kick it off with a walk-up bass line. For two seconds it sounds like it could be a Carpenters song, and that shirt that Dad is wearing looks like something Richard Carpenter might have worn. The song goes right to the hook and opens with the chorus.

Dad orders "Two Whopper Juniors" and the super pleasant and helpful cashier/backup singer is too nice to correct his grammar. Hell no, she is going to sing! She grabs that mic like a pro and you can tell this isn't the first time she has sung of brined vegetables and leafy greens! Who you calling a backup singer? This girl is frontin' the band, or at least the front counter.

Caught up in the excitement, Mom gets on board the customized burger train and goes a little crazy with a request for extra ketchup. Her face lights up like a Christmas tree when the backup singer tells her she can have it. I'm really happy for her at this point.

The Singer (I wish I knew her name, I'm pretty sure it isn't Darius) busts into the 2nd verse with slightly less enthusiasm than the 1st verse and I think she gets tripped up on the lyrics. It sounds like she sings "We can serve your bro-beef  Whopper..." but I think its supposed to be "whole beef Whopper", or maybe "browned beef  Whopper"? That doesn't make sense to me. It does look like she makes "B" sound with her mouth. Maybe its just the degradation of the recording but I can't really tell what it's supposed to be. Perhaps at the last minute somebody from the BK Legal Department burst onto the set and informed the Director that they couldn't legally say "whole beef Whopper" so he told The Singer (let's call her Chrissy, she looks like a Chrissy) to just mumble her way through it. Of course Chrissy nailed it - with a smile and pop of the eyebrows! Before she is even done with the verse she is handing the family their bags of food. Chrissy's got a good stage crew.

The commercial closes with the actual backup singers hitting the chorus and a fanfare of trumpets. We see each member of the family enjoying their Whoppers. It leaves me feeling pretty good and I'll bet that family had a really nice day too. We are left to chart our own path for Chrissy and her hat and all the great adventures they had together. It seems like there is a good opportunity there for fan fiction or perhaps a graphic novel.

I don't know if you can see that logo on the phone. They changed the "E" in Whopper to be layered sandwich ingredients. Some corporations change E's to sandwich fixings, some change them to American flags.

The menu case is broken and the top portion is flopped down, partially covering Meals #1 and #8. I should have taken it as a sign that things weren't going to end well. 

You can't spell "Sandwich" without S-A-D.

Drier than it looks.
The Sandwich - Bacon, Sausage, Egg & Cheese on a biscuit. Right off the bat I didn't have to make a choice between bacon and sausage, I could have both! I could have it my way! The singer on the other end of the speaker box wasn't actually a singer, she sounded more like an average fast food worker. She was pleasant, but not Chrissy pleasant (who could be, really?). I ordered it on a croissant at first but then changed it to a biscuit. There I go again, having it my way! This is fun. This sandwich isn't listed on the Nutritional Information chart and that's probably a good thing. Take this info and add bacon and watch the sodium levels soar. Nobody thought this would be healthy anyway. You can see in the photo that the sausage is kind of burnt. It was as dry as it looks. The biscuit was dry and kind of crumbly too. With those two items this sandwich didn't stand a chance. The egg was actually kind of fluffy and not dry but the cheese could have been a little more melted and the amount was scarce. The bacon was non-committal. This was a bad sandwich. If I had had access to a goat I would have given half of this to the animal as a form of research, but instead I ate it. You think this is all fun and games here? It is not.

The Result - 1.974 vintage commercials out of 5 vintage commercials. That awesome Burger King commercial came out in 1974 so that's the rating this sandwich gets, which actually is too high. I couldn't find any BK commercials from 1631 on YouTube so 1.974 will have to do. Something positive I can say about this sandwich is that it didn't taste nearly as salty as I thought it would. You might have noticed on the menu board the "meal" comes with hash browns. It's hard to see but they look like Potato Olés. Don't be fooled, I ordered some and they weren't the same. Mine were just slightly overdone but even if they hadn't been burnt I don't think they would have been very good.

I wonder if Chrissy is still out there singing about vegetables and she has that commercial listed on her resume. I hope so. I really do.

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