Breakfast Sandwich #102 - Bob Evans aka Rubber Biscuit

Sandwich: Sausage Egg & Cheese
Location: Bob Evans
Date: October 1, 2017
Cost: $2.29

I wasn't even planning on having a breakfast sandwich this day. I was at the grocery store looking for my favorite flatbread but they had rearranged the bakery/bread section so I was jabbing around deep in the back corner of the store. I found the flat bread next to a refrigerated deli case that I generally pay no mind. That's when I saw individually wrapped Bob Evans Breakfast Sandwiches. Sometimes the sandwich finds you.

We don't have Bob Evans restaurants here, the store locator on the web site says there isn't one within 100 miles of me. Because of that, I have never been to a Bob Evans restaurant and I'm OK with that.

It's kind of cute.

I think I microwaved it a little too long The cheese was beyond melty.

That sausage patty looks as grey and gristly as Donald Trumps soul. 

The Sandwich - Sausage, Egg and Cheese. The instructions said microwave for 60 to 75 seconds. I went with 75 as my microwave is old and on the weaker side. That was probably a bit too long, the cheese liquefied, but the sandwich was plenty hot. There isn't much positive I can relate about this sandwich. The sausage tasted OK but the big takeaway was that the whole thing was just too chewy. It actually had a rubbery texture. The entire sandwich. It think each component was rubbery, with the exception of the now liquefied cheese. Rubber Biscuit, indeed. The muffin looks toasted but did not have the texture of toasted bread. I'm not going to waste any more time talking about this. I didn't enjoy it.

The Result - 1.83 Rubber Biscuits out of 5 Rubber Biscuits. I've had worse sandwiches but this one is down there at the bottom. Maybe if it was warmed in a toaster oven it would have taken on a different tone, but that wasn't an option listed for heating it. The only instructions were for microwave.  I can't believe I've made it to sandwich #102 and this is the first time "Rubber Biscuit" popped into my head. It was probably milling around my subconscious waiting for an opportunity and then it sprung at just the right moment. 

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Breakfast Sandwich #97 - McDonald's aka Again? Are You McFucking Kidding Me?

Sandwich: Egg McMuffin
Location: McDonald's (East Washington Ave.)
Date: July 22, 2017
Cost: $3.39

At this point you probably think I'm a corporate shill, bought and paid for by Big Sandwich to lobby for their interests on Capitol Hill or in some tiny, fetid backwater of the internet. I understand why you could think that. I reviewed McDonald's just over a month ago and if you're keeping track you know this is my FIFTH trip to a McDonald's, which is embarrassing.

Just read on and keep an open mind. McPlease. I'm just a McRegular guy reviewing McSandwiches of my own accord I would never let outside forces or McSponsorships stain my McIntegrity. I hope by now you would understand this. This has been a long journey and some of of you have been along for the entire ride so you know where I'm coming from.

What's important is to understand why I went back to McDonald's. The reasons are three-fold and they are intertwined and they are as follows.

#A) Convenience. That's right, McDonald's entire business model is built on convenience and that hooked me on this Saturday morning. I was out running errands and I wanted a fancy and delicious breakfast sandwich but didn't want to expend the time and effort to get such a thing. A quick and easy sandwich would sate my hunger and provide an opportunity for a review. See #B.

#B) A sense of obligation. If you think I take the readership here for granted, you are wrong. Any publisher will tell that it's important to provide regular content. You people are like sponges in the condiment aisle. You're sopping up the glorpy knowledge I'm throwing down. If I don't provide it, you'll go elsewhere. There are thousands of sandwich blogs you could be reading instead of this one.

#C) Completism. If you read review #95 you know I was shocked and disappointed that I had somehow neglected to review the all-time classic breakfast sandwich, the Egg McMuffin. This oversight had to be corrected before I hit sandwich #100. It was chasm in my research that called out to be filled.

Slightly defective muffin.

Not, you know, sexy looking.

The Sandwich - Egg McMuffin. At this point it's ubiquitous. It's the trunk of the breakfast sandwich family tree. All other breakfast sandwiches are indebted to the Egg McMuffin in some way.

After all this buildup I have to admit I was mostly disappointed with this sandwich. The overall texture was rubbery (not in a good way) and while it had less of a salty flavor than I thought it would, it didn't have much flavor at all. The muffin was toasty and had a light crunch and the cheese was melty, but those factors were not nearly enough to bring this sandwich into a positive light. 

There isn't much else to say about this sandwich. It was unimpressive and forgettable. 

The Result - 1.43 McFuck Its out of 5 McFuck Its. This sandwich moved from my Bucket List to my McFuck It List in the blink of an eye. It's hard out there for a sandwich, even a classic like the Egg McMuffin. The Egg McMuffin is surrounded by sandwich competition from within the golden arches, AND all the other fast food chains, AND all the coffee and donut shops, AND all these boutique sandwich joints sprouting up in every city. Somehow it has hung around all these years so it must have it's fans and supporters. Not this reporter.

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